'According to Indian Medical Advisory Board..'
'An average newborn baby..'
'Learns to sit up in four months.'
'Starts crawling in the seventh month.'
'And finally after 12-long-months..'
'..stands up on its own feet.'
'But according to his family and society..'
'..the real achievement is when he gets a job.'
'First day on your first job..'
'..is like a reflection of the life to follow.'
'And the reflection needs to be perfect.'
PP.
- Do you have a toothpaste? - Yes..
You're not ready yet.
It's inside.
And hurry up. Don't make me late on the first day.
Kalpesh. Do you want to hear a joke?
Why?
Usually, people say "Go on".
Mr. Piyush Prajapati! Usually people don't polish their shoes either.
Jokes are very good for ice-breaking.
Listen to this..
Why do all Python Developers wear glasses?
All of them?
Think.
Python Developers? Glasses?
Because they can't C..
Programming Language "C".
What's wrong?
Listen, I have a better one.
There's a Python developer.
And keep the python developer in the zoo..
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
We're not going to fight a war.
Nor is this a surgery..
..where a single mistake can cause the patient to die.
There's no reason to be so nervous, bro.
It's pretty simple. We just have to go and sit in our assigned cubicle..
..and do coding.
But always remember, okay.
This world is being run by people by us sitting in these cubicles.
What's so funny?
Do you know who said this?
This statement was made by the VP of Syynotech, Mahendra Dhume..
..in the pre-placement talk while you were snoring.
I am still pretty sleepy.
You didn't wear a tie.
Why didn't you borrow from me if you didn't have one?
Is it compulsory? Please don't joke with me.
Code of conduct must be taken seriously.
Rickshaw.
'Actually, I was more excited about the perks that came with the job.'
'You see after you get your first job..'
'..you don't need your father's permission anymore for a trip to Goa.'
'And even if you miss a call from home..'
..you can always make an excuse that you were in a meeting.'
In fact, they even take your advice on the color of the paint at home.
So..can I go?
Yes.
Listen..let's meet for lunch.
Okay.
Listen..no goodbye kiss?
Get lost.
'In short..from today I'll write the algorithm of my life.'
'Piyush Prajapati Version 2.0.'
'A version that cannot be stopped.'
"Please try again."
Hey..where do you want to go?
Floor 5..area C.
You don't have access, the door won't open. Leave.
See..its open.
I said you don't have access.
Don't you understand?
But I am an employee. I've already been inducted.
I am a new joinee.
According to the system, you're not.
Go talk to the system admin. Leave.
Sir, please check in your system.
Let me do one job first. Sit down.
Put it down.
Please hurry up. It's my first day and I don't want to be late.
Do you want this to be my last day?
There's no end to these parcels.
They never order it at home.
They even order their underwear at the office.
Seems like I am managing a shop and not a security desk.
- Name? - Piyush..Prajapati.
P I Y U S H..
P R A J A P A T I.
It's not here. Your name isn't on the list. Leave.
Why would I lie? I am an employee.
Sir, please it's my first day.
There must be another way.
Conference room.
Conference room B.
Do you know the way to Conference room B?
Thank you.
- Occupied. - Is this Conference room B.
What the hell?
When someone shouts occupied from the washroom..
..it doesn't sound anything like "come in".
Yeah, but this is not a washroom.
Yes, you're right.
This is Conference room B.
And still occupied.
What are you doing down there?
Taking a power nap.
The projector machine isn't working.
And I can't figure out whether the problem is with the remote or the USB port.
Maybe someone stole the remote batteries.
Did you?
No..I was told to report here.
There's supposed to be an orientation and welcome speech by Mr. Mahendra Dhume.
Who?
Vice President Mahendra Dhume.
Ohh..Dhume.
That's called a warning speech, son.
Why? What do you mean?
I mean it got over 20 minutes ago.
Go and talk to HR.
HR. Okay, thank you.
According to the BuzzFeed article "5-Ways to make new friends at work"..
..the most effective way is to share work-related jokes.
But what do you do when most of your jokes are on HR..
..and she's right in front of you.
GMAT or GRE?
What ma'am?
What are you preparing for?
GMAT or GRE?
Nothing yet.
Piyush, do you know what my job description is?
'Provide stand up material for comics.'
You're the HR manager.
No.
'Oh shit, am I in the wrong place?'
I am a people's expert.
Out there techies code day and night.
And in here I decode them.
For example, if someone starts talking out of the blue English accent..
..I know he's trying for an on-site project.
If someone's family has frequent deaths, functions, sickness..
..I decode that he's trying for another job.
And if someone's late on the first day of his job..
..then I decode that he has no interest in his career..
..because he's already preparing for further studies.
So..GMAT or GRE?
- No, ma'am, actually.. - Excuse me, Supriya.
- Yes, sir. - Do you have the updated KRA sheets?
Yes, sir.
What's going on?
Nothing, sir. New joinee, and late on his first day.
Whose team?
Megha Asthana.
So why isn't Megha dealing with this?
She knows it's part of her JD.
Sir, I was just ensuring that there's no PL.
Her team is already quite stretched.
"PL!"
I see..
And before labeling him as a PL..
..did you even check with him why he's late.
'Every story needs a good guy,
I think I found one.'
Sir, actually I was on time.
But the biometrics was giving error..
..so I got late sorting it out.
So Supriya, I hope you realise..
..instead of covering for Megha..
..you should have called the system administrator.
Yes, sir.
Yeah..
Sir..I don't know if you remember, sir..
..but you came to our college for pre-placement talk.
And sir, I must say the way you inspired all of us..
..it was amazing.
And I still remember what you said, sir.
The world is not run by politicians, film-makers, cricketers..
But by people sitting and working in cubicles.
Yes, sir.
And here I thought students only come to these talks for the pizza.
Aah.. Angad Waghmare, please join us.
Where were you?
Taking a nap during working hours?
No, sir.
So, can you explain to this guy why he had to waste half his morning..
..because of a biometric system error that you are in charge of?
Actually..
Please set up his system immediately.
And tell Megha too.
You should do your job first before making excuses.
It will save everyone's time.
Yes, sir.
'Oh God, Professor X got yelled at because of me.'
I've set up the mainframe.
The internal mail system is already configured.
With a temporary password.
You'll also need your RSA token.
I'll get that.
Okay. Thank you.
'I hope he's not taken it personally.'
What's the password?
Ihopeyoudie_123
'Maybe he is taking it personally.'
All small or..
Hi, I am Piyush.
Hi. Intern?
No, actually this is a long story.
I am the new junior developer.
Okay.
I am Gautam and that's Gambhir.
He's always serious.
- Doesn't talk much. - But always listens.
Do you have to change my name for this PJ?
So Shetty doesn't like jokes, and I don't like anyone touching my mug.
Just stay away from it, and we'll be fine.
If you're done with the introductions, then can we all focus on work.
Remember Megha's given the end of day deadline.
And you know my policy.
If the deadline isn't met, then the day doesn't end.
Hi Megha ma'am, I am Piyush Prajapati.
Call me, Megha.
- You're the new joinee. - Yes, ma'am.
Ma'am, sorry I was late today..
Piyush, I like mysteries.
So why don't we keep the secret of your late arrival a mystery..
..and focus on work.
Sure, ma'am.
Megha, no ma'am.
I've already assigned the task.
Just have a look and let me know the timeline.
Okay.
SQL Stack.
'Shit.'
The one thing I've never been confident about.
So..when can I expect it?
'Okay, better play it safe.'
Two.. max three days, ma'am.
This is a big boy's club, Piyush Prajapati.
Four hours.
Relax. Just relax.
'Even Tendulkar must have been nervous on his debut.'
'The question is where do I start.'
RSA token, don't share it with anyone.
Sign here.
SQL Stack permit.
Yeah.. SQL is one thing I am null in.
I'll have to read all the manuals.
If you begin reading the manual now it will take your entire probation period.
- How long do you have? - Four hours.
Do one thing..
All the codes are available on Stack Exchange.
Take it from there.
Just change the signature.
Is that allowed?
Who cares if I have 8-years of experience.
You have a degree.
You'll know better.
'You know it's hard to say no to an easy way out..'
..when you're at the risk of getting a duck on your deck.'
May I come in, ma'am.
Call me kangaroo.
- Kangaroo. Why? - No, reason.
Whenever I tell you to call me Megha, you tend to ignore it.
Oh..
Megha.
- Sorry. You called. - Yes.
So I gave you four hours to complete the task..
..and you managed to do it in two.
How?
'Ctrl+C.. Ctrl+V..'
Ctrl+C... Ctrl+V... Easy.'
Actually, I had some help.
I was sitting outside and Angad..
Piyush, I told you I like mysteries.
Unfortunately, the only one here is GitHub or Stack Exchange.
Where did you copy it from?
'Esc.'
I am sorry ma'am, I know you must be angry but I got a little..
..nervous on my first task I was just..
I am not angry.
Just annoyed, because now I've to take the call whether to report this or not.
No, no, I am sorry.
Just give me by the end of the day..
- ...I will complete the task. - No need.
I've already told Gautam to complete the task.
I've assigned you some offline demo EPS.
Can't risk a PL on a live project.
What the hell is a PL?
You may go now.
- Sorry, ma'am. - Megha.
Yeah.. Megha. Next time, I..
I forgot to tell you something.
I changed your temporary password again.
revengeisabitch_123
Lunch on the first day is always tricky.
Whether it's school canteen, college mess, or even workplace cafeteria.
The only silver lining is maybe Kalpesh had a worse day.
Don't eat that cottage cheese. Tastes pathetic.
You already had some.
No, but Rajo..
I mean Rajender, my teammate..
...was telling me while giving me the tour of the office.
Our team leader is taking us out for lunch, bro.
Intro-treat.
That's right.
What is that?
This..
The team gave me a welcome gift.
Don't I look cute.
No one even bothered to verbally welcome me.
How was your day?
Already on the job.
Yes, of course.
In fact, getting along very well.
And guess who I met today.
Dhume sir.
And you know I have a feeling he likes me.
I had a small biometric error in the morning..
...which he immediately solved for me.
Wow..sticking up from day 1.
You're already an SME in Coding.
What?
SME.. Subject Matter Expert.
Sorry, I am trying to catch the lingo.
You see, my way of sticking up. You know.
Well, see you.
Listen..do you know what's a PL?
Not sure, but I think its Potential Liability.
See you.
The dialogue in '3 Idiots' was absolutely right.
Your own failure doesn't hurt as much as your friend's success.
I started the day with the hope that it will be the perfect first day.
And here..there's not a single person who seems to even remotely like me.
But then again, the day is not over yet.
Are you Piyush Prajapati?
Hi, sir.
Sorry sir, I forgot to introduce myself in the morning.
Did you try to copy a code from Stack Exchange..
..and upload on a live project?
Yes, sir.
Okay.
Do you have any idea how risky it could have been for the company..
..had the client found it?
Sorry, sir.
But Megha ma'am has already assigned..
Well if Megha was doing her job properly..
..then she would have officially reported you.
But no.
She just wants to protect the image of a righteous hard worker.
Doesn't matter how many incompetent people come on board in this company.
Sir, I am competent.
The only thing is I took some bad advice this time.
Okay. So here's some advice from my side.
Keep this visitor's badge safe.
Because I have serious doubts about how long can you survive in this company?
There's a storeroom on the second floor.
Next time use that for brooding.
It's almost soundproof.
Sorry, I just needed some time alone.
Okay.
I don't think I belong here.
Yeah, you don't.
This is ladies washroom.
- It's okay. It's okay. - Sorry.
It's understandable. It's your first day.
Although it's clearly written outside "Ladies" with the symbol.
Mom always said the first day of the year should be great..
...because your first day is a reflection of the year to come.
Then half the world should be hung over the rest of the year.
Right?
Thank you, ma'am.
Piyush.
Did you complete the task I had assigned to you?
Yes, ma'am. I've completed one version.
There are some errors. But I'll tell you once I upload it.
Then why didn't you put in some extra effort?
It should have been compiled in first attempt.
But which code compiles for the first time?
There are always some errors.
I'll have to debug it a couple of times.
Exactly.
It's your first day, there are going to be errors.
And let me save you the suspense..
Even on the second day and third day too.
But like you rightly said.
Just keep debugging.
But my friend Kalpesh in 7D seems to be getting along without any errors.
So?
But it's the same job, same office, same culture.
That's the problem with these cubicles.
These cubicles.
All these cubicles look the same.
Simple, square, almost indistinguishable.
Like the boxes that you get when you order something online.
Maybe that's why we forget that even if the boxes look the same..
...what matters is what's inside.
The point is everything is different.
Everyone has a different desktop wallpaper.
Even the height of the chair.
Different sleeping time.
And maybe a different alarm to wake them up as well.
From friends to nemesis, they are all different.
Piyush, everyone has a different journey.
And maybe destination too.
We may all work in these box shaped cubicles.
But everyone has a...
...different story.