-[optimistic music playing] -[helicopter blades spinning]
[music becomes propulsive]
[man] Fuck!
[man] Long before the sun was shining this morning,
these Noah Kahan fans were lining up at Fenway Park.
-What time did you get here? -2.45 a.m.
[woman] Noah posted on X, "Every moment in my life has led me here."
[producer] How do you feel right now?
Can I text?
[woman] It's all for Noah Kahan,
the Vermont native whose career grew from tiny concerts
to two sold-out shows at Fenway Park in just six years.
[indistinct dialogue]
[inhales deeply]
-[man 1] The guy had a meteoric rise. -[man 2] Four billion streams globally.
[woman] You're now the king of New England.
Fuck. I feel like I can't sing.
[inhales deeply]
I'm so afraid of losing this special thing.
Like, it might go away.
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!
[Noah] After all this, what is my purpose?
And who am I now?
[music abruptly fades]
[whimsical music playing]
So I grew up between Hanover, New Hampshire, and Strafford, Vermont.
Collection of towns called the Upper Valley.
[singing]
[laughs]
Well, I think Vermont is most famous for maple syrup, y'know.
Uh, Ben & Jerry's ice cream and Bernie Sanders.
One of the most interesting things to see in Strafford is trees, so you gotta…
-We've a new Dunkin'. That one's new. Um… -Hurray!
This is the coldest place in hell.
You're in Vermont now. [chuckling]
That's where my dad lives.
And down there's where my mom lives. Just downhill there.
2020, my folks split up.
My mom started living down the road.
It's a pretty cool situation as far as divorce goes.
[music continues]
[man] We sell a lot of his merchandise.
[producer] D'you listen to Noah's music a lot?
Uh, no, quite honestly, I do not listen to his music very much.
My favorite song right now is probably "Your Needs, My Needs."
-But my favorite song is Taylor Swift. -Betty.
What's your favorite Noah Kahan song?
[Emphatically] I don't know!
[music continues]
[music fades]
[dogs barking in distance]
[acoustic guitar music fading in]
In terms of embarrassing dads,
like, I don't think there was a more embarrassing dad in the world.
♪ Late at night when my wife's asleep ♪
♪ My computer goes beep, beep, beep ♪
♪ I dial up on AOL ♪
♪ Cyberspace is a pretty good place To hang out ♪
♪ If you wanna wife, you can have mine ♪
[music ends]
-[dog cries] -[Noah laughs]
[Josh] I haven't played this in a while, so no… no laughing.
Right, Dad, let's give 'em a tour of the house.
[gentle piano music playing]
[Noah gasps] You've normaled it up around here.
-I'm not a hoarder-- -Gonna say it's an episode of Hoarders.
I'm not a hoarder. I'm a careful collector.
[Noah quietly] Oh my God.
Is there anything else weird? Any duct tape stuff you have around here? Oh yeah.
He says weird, but I have a whole line of bags
that are functional out of dog-food bags.
Wouldn't you want a functional carry-on bag like this?
It's insulated.
[Noah] Wow, Gucci.
If I saw that at an airport, I'd think something really bad was about to happen.
My dad was basically like a pro athlete and a network engineer at the same time.
My dad was an Ironman
and an Ironman World Champion.
He went to the world finals in Hawaii.
[Josh] Now I'm just a loser.
Here's a tricycle from the '40s.
Richard now is 32 and a professional firefighter
in Hanover, New Hampshire.
And Sasha's a pediatric surgeon in Utah. Park City, Utah.
Simon works for a consulting company.
They do work globally. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.
And Noah sings a little bit.
[tinkering on guitar]
[Noah] So I was, like, right in the middle of Sasha, Richard, and Simon.
There was definitely a lot of, like, this feeling of I was the middle child.
[woman] Noey, dance!
It was chaotic. It was loud, and lots of laughing, lots of fighting, yelling.
I want my present!
Noah doesn't understand that it's not his birthday today.
[woman] Yeah.
Guys, this is Mom.
Just know that when you're a grownup, you should just only…
You should really watch and decide maybe you shouldn't have kids.
Or at least if you have kids, don't have birthday parties.
And so when I was home, I was making music in my room.
Like, it was, like, my own special thing.
And, like, kind of protecting something for myself.
'Cause I feel like we shared so much growing up.
When you think about it from a psychoanalytical standpoint,
makes a lot of sense that I ended up being a singer-songwriter and a musician.
Uh, we're goin' upstairs to where I, when I'm here, stay
and where I stayed for a good amount of COVID.
Um, but I would kind of oscillate between here and the barn,
but I would write up here all the time.
So we call this "the bad vibes room."
And it's my room. And that can't be a coincidence.
[softly] Ah.
Whoo-hoo!
It's gotta be five, six years old now.
That'll give you a panic attack quick.
I'm trying to f… Here's all the dead flies.
I would do Instagram Live stuff in here,
um, where I would just, like, workshop new songs,
and wrote a lot of songs in here as well.
I would write down the lyrics I was thinking on the table.
-[quiet thud] -Fuck.
So "Come Over" was written right here, and so was, uh, "Homesick."
I wrote, "I would leave if only I could find a reason."
It's cool 'cause I can remember all these…
I remember all these songs. Like, I can remember how they go.
I remember this one. This is one I wrote February 13th, 2016.
I was actually still in high school at this point.
This is one of the songs I thought, "This is a cool one."
I'd written a bunch of bad ones before. This is one that I really liked back then.
The fact that I still remember it is cool, 'cause I never recorded it.
I had no idea what I was doing or how to begin,
but there was also no pressure really 'cause I was nobody at all.
My name is Noah.
I'm a senior… I'm a senior from Hanover High School over in Hanover.
And, uh, I'm 17 years old. I'll introduce the song when I'm seated.
[electronic music playing]
When I first got signed as a high schooler,
the singer-songwriter white guy with long hair thing was hot.
The guy at Republic Records just hit me up.
He works for Lil Wayne. He works with Drake, Taylor.
And so in my head, I'm like, "Okay, I'm just gonna be like Taylor,
Drake, or Lil Wayne, like, tomorrow."
[music ends]
In my head, I was like, "Dude, this is it."
[laughs] And so, um, the truth was, like, it was a slow burn.
[quirky music playing]
Loading in is when you pay your dues and bring the equipment inside.
Alex, do you mind getting this for me? [laughs]
-[Alex] Not a chance, man! -[Noah laughs]
So then around 2019, I've released an album, an EP, a bunch of singles,
but I didn't know what my own voice was.
I think I was close to giving up music, or at least giving up hope.
And then the pandemic came,
and suddenly, I was thrust back into Vermont.
I was back with my little brother, my siblings, my… my mom, my dad.
Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Yay!
[present] And it selfishly felt really cool
to kinda have everybody be in the same boat for a second.
Not just the music, but, like, waking up with my brother,
and going and shooting my brother's shotgun or drinking beers.
And creatively, it just, like, woke me up.
I just wanna let you guys know that I have an EP that is out tonight at midnight.
Uh, it's called Cape Elizabeth.
And I… I really… I really love it.
It finally felt like there was some kind of story in the music.
That's how Stick Season's writing process started.
Then TikTok came around, and I was like, "What the fuck is this app?"
Y'all, I just wrote a song called "Part of Me."
Let me know if I should release this.
I'm going to anyway. This is a marketing scheme.
But check it out.
I would come home from the studio and be like,
"I'm gonna make a fucking song for myself tonight but put it on TikTok."
♪ And Doc told me to travel But there's COVID on the planes ♪
♪ So I am fucked ♪
♪ I'm fucked ♪
♪ And I suck ♪
♪ And you suck ♪
♪ And this sucks ♪
♪ Fuck ♪
And then took an edible, got really high from the edible, went to sleep,
'cause I was gonna delete it.
'Cause I was like, "Oh, no one's caring about this."
"I'm gonna delete this and try another one tomorrow."
Woke up the next morning like, "Oh shit." It had, like, 900 comments.
And I'm like, "Oh my God."
We're out here making music. I'm making music about Vermont.
And I'm here in Vermont, which is very cool.
[car engine roaring]
[horn beeps]
♪ …love Vermont But it's the season of the… ♪
And then it became like this huge thing.
[crowd] ♪ …saw your mom She forgot that I existed ♪
♪ And it's half my fault But I just like to play the victim ♪
♪ I'll drink alcohol 'Til my friends come home for Christmas ♪
This is his album, Stick Season.
Ladies and gentlemen, Noah Kahan.
♪ …I might not have, but I did not lose ♪
♪ Now you're tire tracks… ♪
Give it up for Hozier!
♪ And I'm split in half But it'll have to do ♪
Give it up for Renée Rapp!
♪ Have to do ♪
-[music ends] -[crowd cheering]
[cheering fades]
Music became new for me here. And that was really cool.
I think it is bittersweet now
because, like, I can't get back that same mindset.
Yeah, there's a lot of pressure on what's next.
Make a new album before 2026!
I think he's in the stage right now where he's wanting to make sure
that the quality of his next body of work
is as good or better than the album that he's become known for.
And I think that's a lot of pressure.
[folk guitar music playing]
[Noah] I miss so much about the Upper Valley.
Right now, I'm living in a big house in Nashville,
and my life has changed so much.
I see Vermont as, like, where I'm from,
and Nashville is where I kinda have to be for work stuff.
So I came back home about a week ago to see my brother and my folks.
I don't typically help him with the forge,
but, uh, I wanna pretend to be hardworking and… and humble,
so this is a good setting for that.
All right. Blue collar!
Okay, that's not how you wear that, first off. Hold on.
[Noah] All right, here we go.
All right.
Ow! Fuck!
What d'you think the more dangerous job is?
Being a firefighter and a blacksmith
or being a singer-songwriter with folk-pop tendencies?
-Singer-songwriter. -Yeah, singer-songwriter.
'Cause you're here forging with steel, I'm forging…
-Hearts and minds. -…the hearts and minds.
-This part's scary. -All right, come on.
It's definitely strange not having any of the siblings around.
I mean, we're all really close. We're a really close family.
-Ever put your dick in there? [laughs] -I put my dong in there all the time.
[Noah] We spent a lot of time together
after I was out of high school and Richard was kinda home for a while,
so we would… we would hang and get hammered.
[both laughing]
-[Richard] Are you ready? -No. All right, three, two, one.
I don't see him a lot. But it does make it really special
when we do get to hang out, uh, especially when he's not on tour,
and we can just kinda go back to regular older brother, younger brother,
not Noah Kahan the superstar.
[Noah belches] All right!
[whooshing sound]
[melodic guitar music playing]
[Noah] So how long we been skiing here, what 15 years?
You've been here for your whole fuckin' life.
[Richard] Yeah, I know.
[raucous laughter]
[man] The best part, it was Christmas vacation, right?
And he had shit piled in his hands over his head,
and he just goes…
[deep voice] "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!" and runs outta the house!
[indistinct dialogue]
What I've loved the most about our friend group
and just my family and being here, is no one's like, "What's next, Noah?"
Y'know, it's never about me as much as it is down in Nashville, which I like.
I do love Nashville. I love the people I have down there.
But, like, it's all my career, all the time.
Like, everyone around me is a musician. Everyone's working on music.
When I'm here, I feel like I'm in my home.
This is a good day.
[Dan] This is a great day!
[music fades]
[quirky electronic music playing]
[man] So right now, Noah's back home in Nashville.
It's the first period of time
that he's had more than a handful of days off since 2022.
He's been on a… a long tour
that he has just got close to the finish line of.
-[woman laughing] June! Junebug, come! -[Junebug yips]
[woman] Oh, here, baby. Why don't you do Penny's, like, mat,
so she doesn't feel left out?
-Okay, Penny. Paw. -[whimpering]
[affectionately] Good girl.
I feel like Stick Season and the tour just completely changed our lives.
[whimpers playfully]
New doggy, new house, new furniture,
new city, new clothes,
nose job.
-They made it bigger. Uh… -[laughs]
We moved in December,
and we moved from a one-bedroom apartment in Boston
to here, and it was, like… it was really jarring.
It's a huge change, and it's… it's a lot to deal with, but it's…
We've tried to make it feel like… as much like our Vermont as we can.
[gentle ambient music playing]
I'm gonna show you guys some cool shit. This is… all sorts of fun shit in here.
Oh yeah, this is my golf simulator. [laughs]
Talk about out of touch.
But it's fuckin' sick.
I'm scared. I'm sad for the next album.
I've pushed a lot of things off creatively,
and I've really not started much, and…
I'm also acutely aware that nothing will ever be the same.
That's what I'm, kind of, most scared of.
That I have to be at my mom's house, or in Vermont,
that I have to be struggling or in pain to make music.
Like, that's always the concern.
Honey, that wasn't that bad.
Hi, Penny.
[silly voice] You don't like when I play up here!
I'm gonna show you some more stuff.
I got this award, and then was not allowed to sit down,
because security didn't believe that I was part of the event
after I'd just been onstage receiving the award.
And then… my greatest trophy.
This is, uh, Brenna's boyfriend proposing to her.
He's the man, um…
She's gonna see him this weekend. [laughs] No, this, uh…
This is me, uh, proposing to Brenna in, uh, Cabo on July 17th, 2023.
That's one of the best days of my life. Maybe the best day of my life.
[whimsical music playing]
[Brenna] I, like, always had a feeling.
I, like, never doubted Noah.
Like, I… I didn't expect anything like this to happen.
Truly, I didn't even know this was possible,
but I never doubted him as, like, a musician or artist.
Like, I always knew he… you had it in you
to, like, make music a career for yourself.
-Thanks, baby. -Yeah.
I was like, "I'm gonna be a teacher the rest of my life."
And you would, like, tour your small venues.
Yeah. I would… That's just what I thought our lives would be.
-[makes kissing sound] -[giggles]
See, I'm just packin' random fuckin' shit.
It's why I shouldn't wait till the last minute to pack.
I wanna, like, pack for a whole tour and just be like, "I'm gone."
Instead of coming back and getting a taste of home and having to fuckin' leave again.
I just wanna fit back in my old pants.
There's a whole, like, shame section of my closet,
that's like, "You are too fat for this now."
Too fat for these, bro. So annoying.
This is, like, the second year, basically, of tour.
[car horn beeps]
We've been goin' since October of 2022.
We've played 210 shows now.
And now I'm gonna go play Fenway Park pretty soon.
It's crazy.
[upbeat guitar music playing]
Noah has come such a long way in terms of performance.
[crowd screaming]
But he's… he's gotten way better at it.
[crowd cheering]
My name is Noah Kahan.
My goal is to leave you a little more depressed than you came in tonight.
[crowd laughing]
♪ Retrograde We'd shake the frame of your car ♪
♪ Now I know your name ♪
♪ But not who you are ♪
♪ It's all okay ♪
♪ There ain't a drop of bad blood ♪
♪ It's all my love ♪
♪ You got all my love ♪
The champ is here.
Woo-hoo! Oh!
Ow! Oh.
In this industry, it's hard to find an artist as humble as Noah.
[Noah] Brave person coming through.
-[bike squeaking] -[crowd screaming]
Wow, you guys have a lotta fun signs tonight.
"Who needs therapy when you have Noah Kahan?" Ah!
I painted you. This is you. So… [chuckling]
[crowd cheering]
God, I wish I had that body. Thank you so much.
-[crowd laughs] -This song's a little older.
If you guys know this song, I, I implore you to sing along.
If you don't know this song, Ottawa, get the fuck outta here, all right?
[crowd laughs]
♪ You got all my love ♪
♪ And it's still out here ♪
♪ With the pills and the dogs ♪
♪ Wind chill this year… ♪
[Ryan] That exponential growth that we've been experiencing
every time he went out, it was bigger rooms,
crazier crowds, louder and louder and louder.
♪ You got all my love… ♪
Hey, everybody. It's Noah Kahan.
I wanna let you guys know that I'm playing Fenway Park.
Tickets are on sale now.
[Ryan] To go from playing in front of 2,000 people
to go play two Fenway shows in your hometown is unheard of.
Some people have an HR department. Some make life-size piñatas of themselves.
One-hit wonder, motherfucker!
Your music is mid!
[Ryan] Thank God that he has a really great head on his shoulders.
-[music ends] -[laughter and gasping]
We are at my old apartment, where my little brother lives.
We're gonna go say hello.
I still feel like it's my home, but it's not anymore, obviously.
Hey, come on in. Nice hat. That's dope. Come on in.
I had to change things up around here.
It was pretty much just a bed and a bunch of dirty laundry before, so…
There was pubic hair everywhere in this room.
-That's not even a joke. I swear to God. -That's not true.
It's… You can still find them.
-Nice. -Isn't that kinda cool?
I can see Macklemore doing something with this.
-Yeah. -[rapping] ♪ I was just 19 ♪
Keep playing that. We'll do a little Macklemore beat. Yeah.
[impersonates Macklemore] ♪ Yeah, that summer was… um, yeah ♪
♪ I take my latte oat milk ♪
♪ I take my coffee with a lotta cream ♪
-♪ Just 'cause I'm white ♪ -[sniggers]
♪ Doesn't mean that I can't come up On the rap scene ♪
[retro-style electronic music playing]
I loved, y'know, the memories I had here, but felt I wasn't meant to be in New York.
I had expectations for myself.
I thought, like, living in a city would make me be social
and make me wanna go outside and, like, go do things.
I think it was just… it was a place where I was at my most burnt-out.
I wonder if I can actually be fully satisfied in any setting at all.
When I was in, y'know, Hanover, Strafford,
I, like, felt suffocated by it.
And then when I left, I yearned for, like, its simplicity.
Yeah. Like, it would be nice if your problems could all go away
with, like, a simple thing as like a plane ticket.
You can't just escape who you are because you've moved to a different place.
That is not how it fuckin' works.
[slow piano music playing]
[Simon] Do you ever worry that,
like, this is the peak, or you will peak at some point?
Uh, yeah. Yes, I do. All the time. That's all I think about really.
Tomorrow, if I don't play a great show at MSG, like, what could that mean?
That can mean people start losing interest,
and the fans start to think it's boring and stale,
and the label loses faith in me, and…
My therapist was always like, "Failure is part of it."
"You need to prepare yourself for that."
"'Cause it'll let you accept the moment you're in."
I've never really been able to do that.
Oh fuck.
I'm getting nervous now that I'm walking closer to it. [laughs] Yo.
[Penny whimpers]
Crazy, right, Pen?
[music intensifies]
-[Brenna] Are you nervous? -I guess I am a little nervous.
We gotta make sure we fuckin' make MSG proud.
A lot of loss has happened here. The Knicks have lost a lot here.
They… these people need a win.
[music intensifying]
♪ Remember… ♪
You know you need, you need New York!
[Noah] Yay!
♪ All the same ♪
-[music intensifies] -[crowd cheering]
[whoops]
Whoa! What the fuck is up?!
What the fuck is up, Madison Square?!
Whoa!
♪ I'm rememberin' I promised to forget you now ♪
♪ But it's rainin' And I'm callin' drunk ♪
♪ And my medicine Is drownin' your perspective out ♪
♪ I ain't takin' any fault ♪
♪ Am I honest still? Am I half the man I used to be? ♪
♪ I doubt it, forget about it, whatever ♪
♪ It's all the same, anyways ♪
Whoa!
♪ I ain't proud Of all the punches that I've thrown ♪
♪ In the name of someone I no longer know ♪
♪ For the shame Of being young, drunk, and alone ♪
♪ Traffic lights and a transmitter radio ♪
♪ I don't like That when they threw me in the car ♪
♪ I gave your name As my emergency phone call ♪
♪ Honey, it rang and rang ♪
♪ Even the cops thought You were wrong for hangin' up ♪
♪ I dial drunk I'll die a drunk, I'll die for you ♪
What's up, Madison Square Garden?
[crowd screaming]
♪ I don't like That when they threw me in the car ♪
♪ I gave your name As my emergency phone call, honey ♪
[crowd] ♪ It rang and rang Even the cops thought you were wrong ♪
♪ For hangin' up ♪
♪ I dial drunk I'll die a drunk, I'll die for you ♪
[crowd roaring]
I wanna make sure I start tonight off on the right tone.
To do that, I'm gonna need some help from everybody here.
I want you guys all to look at the person you came with tonight.
Maybe they're your friend, your partner, your roommate, your sister or brother.
Look 'em in the eyes, deep into their fuckin' eyes.
And I want you to find the one thing that you just really don't like about them.
And I want you to hold it until you both die old and alone.
Thank you so much, Madison Square Garden!
[screaming fades]
[muffled dialogue]
I've always wanted people's approval.
And then there are those moments when you're alone or you feel lonely,
you're like, "What am I?"
"Because I don't have anyone here to approve of me."
Where's my cell phone? Where's my cell phone? Where's my cell phone?
It's gonna drive me crazy. [silly voice] Where's my phone? Ugh!
[quietly] Drivin' me fuckin' nuts.
I'm calling it right now.
-Oh, it's right here. -[silly voice] Oh.
[producer] Noah, what do you check right after a show?
Usually texts,
and then occasionally I'll check Twitter to see what the response to the show was.
If it's not good, I barricade myself in my room and order Taco Bell.
If it is good, barricade myself in the room and order Taco Bell.
This account, like,
posts all…
Um, God, I look fat.
[whimsical music playing]
-[man] For a little bit? -[Noah] Yeah.
All right, let's hit 'em.
-You good with that? -Yeah.
Good, want you to get four more. Four more, come on.
[Noah] I've always just really hated the way I looked.
[man] Come on, big press.
Hasn't been something I've really spoken much about.
Uh, it's something I've struggled with my whole life.
I, like, binge eat a lot of food when I'm feeling stressed.
And then, like, I get, like, so… hateful about my body
and, like, what I look like that I don't eat for a while,
and I can starve myself.
When I look in the mirror, I feel like I don't see
what my body actually looks like.
[exhales loudly]
It's one of those things I haven't talked about a lot
because I don't know what my place in, like, the world of this issue is.
Like, I don't know how to describe it really. Um…
And because I don't wanna, like, admit that I'm, like… I don't know.
It's hard to admit, to talk about, like, my body and, like, what I look like, and…
Um, it's just something I've, like, silently struggled with for 15 years now.
[man] Up.
One, two.
Up.
One, two.
People make jokes about me, and people talk about me.
'Cause they think that I make fun of myself, it's…
that it's fine to, like, call me ugly or, like,
uh, talk about the way I look or that, like, I don't shower, and, like…
Y'know, I make those jokes myself.
But, like, sometimes I want it to stop. Sometimes I don't want to be the joke.
It creates this idea that I don't have anything attractive about me or, like…
that matters.
And I have done myself a disservice by not… uh…
[music ends]
…by not opening up about it.
[exhales emotionally]
'Cause I sit around and… talk about mental health all day, and…
don't take care of myself in the ways that I need to.
And that's like… I'm sorry.
Feels like I'm fuckin'… Can barely get a real thought out right now,
but it's just hard for me to talk about.
[cheering fading in]
[Noah] Goddamn, thank you so much, MSG. That's so magical, man. Thank you.
[crowd screaming]
I'm getting lost in these pants right now, dude.
[chuckles] I love 'em though.
Uh, we're changing the stage up a little bit here,
so I gotta be up here alone with the microphone
like a fuckin' manipulative youth pastor.
This is, uh, this is my mom's living room. We put it up on the stage.
We brought my mom's living room, and we replicated it for my stage.
You can't quite replicate the generational trauma,
but we did our best to fit it in.
[chuckles] And my mom is here tonight. I'm sorry I made that joke, Mom.
I love you so much.
♪ I'm in the business Of losing your interest ♪
♪ And I turn a profit Each time that we speak ♪
♪ Don't you know there's a coffin Buried under the garden ♪
♪ It was there when we got here Be there when we leave ♪
[singing continues]
[singing fades]
I haven't… God, I haven't looked at these in a really long time.
That's Richard, Simon, Sasha, and Noah there.
The kids are exactly six years apart from the first to the last.
So it was like having a litter of puppies,
and we just, sort of… they all went everywhere together.
[Sasha] Oh yes, yes!
[whimpering]
-[Lauri] Oh! -[Sasha crying]
[Lauri] No-ah!
[baby voice] Want drink? Let's go get drink for you.
When we first heard him doing the recording of Stick Season,
he would play us his, sort of, the…
I can't remember what it's called. Like, the demos or whatever.
And I'd listen and be like, "Oh my God!"
"That references, y'know, this time in our lives."
[young Noah] Hi!
-[young Richard] Hi, Mom! -[Lauri] Hi.
Today's Halloween.
-So we're going trick-or-treating tonight. -Hi!
-[Sasha] We're gonna get lots of nice… -[Lauri] Hi, Noey!
It's just a picture. It's not a phone, sweetie.
-[Sasha] Is it recording? -[Lauri] Let's see everyone. Noey!
Bleurgh! Bleurgh! Bleurgh!
[Lauri] We've had a rough day at our house today.
-[Noah shrieks] -[Lauri] Okay, I'm gonna turn off now.
The Easter eggs that only our family knows about in these songs.
I mean, the "attention-deficit kids in their gym clothes," that's Richard.
And "Come Over" he said was about Simon.
And there's a lot about Josh, and me, and stuff that's happened in our lives.
[Josh] What d'you wanna be when you grow up?
I wanna be married to that handsome Josh Kahan.
And be a famous writer.
Because, y'know, we've all had our inter-family struggles.
[indistinct dialogue]
Stop it!
[young Lauri] It seems to be a tense time at the Kahan house.
Like, y'know, accidents, divorce, financial ruin. We got it all.
[muted cheering]
[Lauri] After the album, people know everything about our lives.
-[Brenna] Come on in. -[Noah] "Forever."
-[Alex] "Forever," that's what it was. -[Brenna] Yeah.
-You have a sweet time? -I had so much fun.
Oh my God, but you just wrecked me. I was, like, a chocolate-sobbing mess.
I won't play that one tomorrow, so you don't get all sad.
-[overlapping chatter] -Great show, dude.
-[Lauri] I was like, "Yeah, I don't care." -[woman] Simon.
-Hi, do you have a… a review of the show? -Uh, show was great.
He made my mom cry.
-Nobody makes my mom cry! -That's my mom!
[Simon] You asshole.
-[silly voice] Hi, Pen-Pen! -Hey there, mad ma'am!
-[Lauri] Hi-hi-hi-hi! -[Noah] My God, I'm so happy to see you.
I'll tell you the story for the camera.
I got back from tour… and this is the worst fuckin' Christmas of my life.
So I get back from tour,
I'm so tired from saving the world with my beautiful melodies.
[laughs] I wanna spend one day at home. I'll just do Christmas with Dad.
But my dad does not call me.
I go up to his house like a fuckin' ghost and knock on the door,
and… my dad and his new girlfriend and her son open the door.
I'm like, "What the fuck?" He's like, "Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas."
[all laughing]
[minimal piano music playing]
Actually, LA was so crazy with people, like, just screaming the lyrics
about Mom and Dad's divorce.
-The most surreal thing I've ever seen. -It's so surreal.
It was crazy, y'know. And also, I feel like… I felt bad,
'cause I did write a lot about Mom and Dad, and I didn't really ask them.
I kinda just, like… I didn't think about it.
I didn't… First of all, I didn't think it would get this big.
[Simon] Yeah.
I didn't consider how they would feel at all, really.
And then, until later, where Mom's like, "That hurt my feelings."
I was introducing the stage that looks like Mom's living room,
and I was like, "We built, uh… we made it look exactly like my mom's living room,
but unfortunately couldn't bring the divorce lawyers."
She'll never outright say, "Please don't do that," but she did say,
"Just saw the TikTok about, like, the divorce lawyers." And she said, "Ow."
-It's like… -Oh no.
[car horns tooting]
[producer] Noah, how's your voice feeling?
I just feel like if I don't talk a lot, I'll be fine. Save it for Seth.
[hypnotic piano music playing]
I have struggled with, like, my body image for a long time.
Like, always have felt physically ugly, and, um, facially ugly, mentally ugly.
[producer] What are they doing to you?
And disorderly eating is something I've experienced
in… in ways my whole life,
but particularly in my adult life, like, the last four or five years.
Sometimes, I'll see a photo. People are like, "You look great."
"What do you mean? I look, like, 3 or 400 pounds."
I don't know what I look like. No clue.
I think… I guess that's what body dysmorphia is supposed to be, like,
not having a correct image of who you are.
I'll be like, "Mom, I can't believe how fuckin' fat and gross I look."
"What are you talking about?" Or "Brenna, I look…" Ooh!
That's the worst timing ever for that to happen. [laughing]
No way, dude!
My fat ass just broke the chair. That's what I mean, dude. God.
[Myers] I'm incredibly jealous of something you're about to do.
Madison Square Garden's all well and good,
but as a fellow New Englander, you're playing Fenway Park.
-Uh, yeah. -This is… I mean, that's a cathedral, man!
-It's a cathedral. -Mecca.
We're actually… I'm wearing something Red-Sox themed.
The last time I was at Fenway Park, I was throwing out a first pitch.
How'd it go? Yeah.
[audience laughing]
Based on that face, I'm not gonna look it up.
[crowd groaning, cheering]
[women laugh]
[woman] Is that real?
-Yeah. -[woman] So funny.
[raucous laughter]
[melodic guitar music fades in]
♪ Past Alger Brook Road ♪
♪ I'm over the bridge ♪
♪ A minute from home ♪
♪ But I feel so far from it ♪
[music fades]
Songwriting on the road is, uh…
kind of like the white whale for me a little bit,
because I'm not in a place of, uh, much grounding right now in my life.
[whistling melodically]
[vocalizing]
Right now, it feels insurmountable to, like, catch up to
the same feeling I had when I made, y'know, Stick Season
or my first album.
♪ All the mice in my dad's house ♪
It's boring.
I'm also just bored of the sound of my own voice.
So everything sounds boring.
[singing quietly]
This is boring, or this doesn't make sense, or this is derivative, like…
♪ Who are the dogs in my dad's house? ♪
I just have absolutely nothing.
It's, like, I'm just, like, diddling around on acoustic guitar
like any other, like, dude on a college lawn somewhere.
[whimsical music playing]
Stupid.
I think, like, the beauty of Stick Season was that
there was such vivid detail about his personal experiences
and the detail of his hometown and that relationship with his hometown.
To be away from that hometown for the last two and a half years,
you definitely start to lose touch a little bit.
And I think his primary desire right now
is to regain that relationship
with who he is and the reason, like, why he's doing this.
[sighs]
[camera clicks]
Sick.
Sick shot by me.
-[woman chuckling] -Rah!
[woman] I really think if I brought Mom and Dad out here, they'd really like it.
[Noah] I think Dad would love it. Mom would love it too.
-[Sasha] D'you need water? -I would love some.
Where I feel like I've really struggled the last year is just, like,
the feeling of… missing you guys
and missing what part I play in the family, and, like…
-You guys have always treated me the same. -Right.
Richard's like, "You still making your fuckin' pussy-ass music, dude?"
[laughs]
Yeah. Dad's still like, "This is real… you have a real shot at this."
It took me, like, five years of, like, hardcore touring for Dad to be like,
"How's the music thing going?" [laughing]
I do feel like, with Dad particularly, like, I just… I used to be able to, like…
We could get in a fight, but at least I'd get to see him turn his bedroom light off.
Y'know? And think, "I know he's okay." Now it's, like, I just don't know, and…
Y'know, you just don't… It just makes me sad to not know what's going on with him.
-Yeah. I worry. -Me too.
[poignant music playing]
[Noah] I was in eighth grade.
I was at the chocolate shop in Hanover gettin' candy.
I got a phone call, and I looked at my phone like,
"Oh my God, I missed seven calls from my mom."
My dad had been biking and had either been hit by a car or ran off the road.
He was in a coma, and he wasn't able to move his legs.
And he was hurt, like, really bad.
I remember not knowing if he was gonna wake up.
[dogs barking]
I knew what accidents were and what traumatic brain injuries were.
It changed everything.
It was… a before and an after in our lives
where you can see, "Oh, this is where it all… started to unravel."
-[man] Mr. Noah Kahan? -[Noah] Papi! Papi!
-[Papi] You are the champ! -[Lauri] Go get your bubby.
[Noah] And so, after the accident,
this, like, brilliant guy who was always a little weird and embarrassing,
and maybe sometimes short-tempered,
became slightly more weird, slightly more short-tempered.
I feel this guilt about being annoyed by him and being shitty to him, and…
and now… I don't get to see him as much.
And every time I see him, I feel like I get frustrated.
And I feel like a lot of it is because I can't figure out a way
to let my dad be who he is.
[dog barking]
[music fades]
I miss home all the time. I miss home so much.
-Me too. -You do? Are you homesick?
Yeah, I'm always homesick. I miss home. I miss being…
I think I miss home and I also miss, like… the idea of being a kid and being home.
[cows mooing]
[Noah singing]
I often think about the line
"The weather ain't been bad if you're into masochistic bullshit."
[chuckles] That comes up a lot.
It's definitely not picturesque throughout the whole year.
Yeah, like, it gets pretty miserable.
Anytime Noah'd get upset about it like, [mocking] "Oh, go write a song about it."
Like, "Why don't you go cry? Maybe you can write a sad, sad song."
And, uh, now, uh, look where he is and look what I'm doin'. [laughs]
[music intensifies]
In "Homesick," he says, "I'm mean because I grew up in New England."
I'm… I'm not mean, I don't think. [laughs]
Yeah, he's not mean either.
Hey, that's funny.
This is my home.
I wanna stay in Strafford, and I wanna stay right…
[chair squeaking]
…here. [laughing]
[music ends]
It's a great place to live, but the living's not great.
It just feels so lonely sometimes.
I think young men in small towns feel like reputation is everything.
So, like, being vulnerable and going to therapy
is, like, a knock to your reputation and being seen as weak.
It fosters this, like, growing pain
and this, like, secrecy of pain, um, that can explode.
I had, like, moments of,
like, helplessness, for sure, and, like, full-on…
Like, there's a couple of people that had committed suicide.
And I never, like, was considering suicide. I never…
I think it felt like a very real… like, future possibility though.
My mom had put my older brother in therapy for something at some point in his life,
and so she recommended it to me.
I think I decided I needed to go for myself when I was in high school,
and I started having these, like, feelings of,
um, like, real feelings of, like, depersonalization,
and, um, dissociation, and depression, anxiety that, like, was heavy on me.
Yeah, that's kinda how I got started on therapy.
[singing]
[man] Noah Kahan takes the stage at the Champlain Valley Expo.
All of the proceeds benefit the Busyhead Project founded by Kahan,
which provides resources to Vermonters struggling with mental health issues.
[singing continues]
[woman] This is the Busyhead Project community wall.
Fans come in and write messages to place up on the wall for others to read.
It's all mental health-related.
[boy] What I wrote today was
that one thing that I was really proud of is overcoming my OCD.
He's doing great.
♪ 'Cause everyone's growing ♪
♪ And everyone's healthy ♪
His music has become an outlet for so many people,
talking about mental health, and it's okay to not be okay.
Just… reach out for help.
♪ Guess I'll try it ♪
[girl] He helped me through everything.
It was…
It's his music. Everything about him.
[woman] Awesome.
And then last one, do whatever you want.
-Whoo! [laughing] -[Bernie laughing]
[Noah] That's so crazy. What a down-to-earth legend.
[cheering fades in]
[cheering intensifies]
Noah has made his mark in countries throughout the world,
but he hasn't forgotten where he came from.
Stay in Vermont!
And what I especially appreciate about Noah
is not only his artistic ability,
but his understanding that there are a lot of people
in our state and around the country who are in need.
Let us welcome Noah Kahan!
[subdued music playing]
[crowd cheering]
Athleticism.
Thank you so much to everybody that came today.
I promise you being here is… is gonna make a difference for people
in rural areas to find access to therapy
and reduce the stigma around mental health care.
[crowd cheering]
I cannot thank you enough. This is so special.
I've not been to Vermont as much as I should've in the past two years.
Thank you for waiting for me to come home. I'm so happy to be here.
[acoustic guitar playing]
♪ The college kids are gettin' so young Ain't they? ♪
♪ They're correctin' all the grammar On a spray paint ♪
♪ And I even gave up drivin' After nightfall ♪
♪ I got tired of the frat boys With their brights on ♪
♪ This is good land, or at least it was ♪
♪ It takes a strong hand And a sound mind ♪
♪ It makes me smile To know when things get hard ♪
♪ Ooh, you'll be far ♪
♪ Ooh, you'll be far from here ♪
♪ And while I clean shit up in the yard ♪
♪ Ooh, you'll be far ♪
♪ Ooh, you'll be far, far from here ♪
[crowd whooping, cheering]
♪ So pack up your car Put a hand on your heart ♪
♪ Say whatever you feel Be wherever you are ♪
♪ We ain't angry at you, love ♪
♪ You're the greatest thing we've lost ♪
♪ The birds will still sing Your folks will still fight ♪
♪ The boards still creak The leaves still die ♪
♪ We ain't angry at you, love ♪
♪ We'll be waitin' for you, love ♪
♪ And we'll all be here forever ♪
♪ You're gonna go far! ♪
[music stops]
What happened with Dad is probably the hardest thing
we've had to overcome as a family.
[Simon] Yeah, I'm sure.
I remember, like, he was training for a triathlon when he got hurt.
When he was in a rehab facility in Mount Ascutney,
he was… trying to sneak out to go for runs.
Like, he was attached to a catheter and trying to, like, fuckin' walk out
and go… and go… go out and tr, train for Lake Placid. It was, like…
[Simon] I've always thought that was sadly kinda hilarious.
Hilarious. There was so much about it that was funny 'cause it was Dad,
but it was also, like, really tragic, y'know?
I was worried he wouldn't remember us
'cause, like, the way they described the brain…
-It was, like, really bad. -Yeah.
Dude, he doesn't remember watching Lost. Remember watching Lost that summer?
Were you with us? We watched, like, the entire show of Lost.
I was talking about it the other day, expecting him to know the characters.
Didn't remember a fuckin' thing. It sucked.
I'm more worried about him not remembering my birthday than not remembering Lost.
Right now, we're driving to Boston.
Uh, a drive I've done more times than I'd like to have done.
Fenway is definitely a peak in my career.
It's… I told my management I was gonna retire after Fenway,
and, uh, they did not like that, but…
38,000 people, and over, y'know, twice in a row,
70-something math-problem thousand people,
and, um, we've never even done anything close, y'know.
[frantic music playing]
Fenway Park, the biggest show of my life.
Oh my God.
[woman] The excitement outside Fenway Park
started 16 hours before the concert itself.
-[Brenna] Hey, bud, how are ya? -I'm stressing, big time.
-[Brenna] Are you? -Yeah.
[high-pitched bubbling]
[Penny whimpers]
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!
[crowd roars]
Breathe.
Okay, so "no."
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
[all] Ahhhhh!
[music fades]
-[knocking at door] -[singing softly]
[Noah] Good to meet you. I'm so glad you made it all the way up here.
Thanks for comin'! How was the flight? How's it going? Nice to meet ya.
-Thanks for coming by. -I appreciate this.
Oh boy, of course. It's my pleasure. We're so happy to have you guys.
[man] We're on a bucket list trip.
You've gotten me through a lot of my treatment.
Whenever I'm anxious, or nauseous, or sad, or happy,
I listen to your music. [inhales shakily]
So honored. You got yourself through those things too.
That was you too, y'know? Not just me.
And I'm so happy to have helped in any way.
-Do you have a favorite song? -[giggles] "Forever."
-You like "Forever"? You wanna hear it? -Yeah.
All right, cool. Let me play you "Forever."
♪ Let's drive for no reason Let's see where these wheels land ♪
♪ Let's grind down The curve of this earth ♪
♪ You look fine in the evening ♪
♪ Honey, it's starting to storm ♪
♪ When we kissed in the car ♪
♪ In the school parking lot ♪
♪ Where I'd go with my friends To get drunk ♪
♪ Used to wish I meant anything ♪
♪ To anywhere, to anyone ♪
♪ When forever was a sentence ♪
♪ Sentence to death ♪
♪ Oh, when you were a running tear ♪
♪ I was a drop of sweat ♪
♪ I won't be alone For the rest of my life ♪
♪ I'll build a boat ♪
♪ For when the river gets high ♪
♪ And I'll meet a girl ♪
♪ In the heat of July ♪
♪ And I'll tell her so she knows ♪
♪ That I'm broke But I'm real rich in my head ♪
♪ That I broke a bone ♪
♪ That never healed in my hand ♪
♪ So when I hold her close ♪
♪ I might loosen my grip ♪
♪ But I won't ever let her go ♪
♪ I won't ever let her go ♪
Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!
[chanting continues]
-[acoustic guitar strumming] -[crowd cheering]
♪ I won't be alone For the rest of my life ♪
♪ I'll build a boat ♪
♪ For when the river gets high ♪
♪ And I'll meet a girl ♪
♪ In the heat of July ♪
♪ And I'll tell her so she knows ♪
♪ That I'm broke ♪
♪ But I'm real rich in my head ♪
♪ That I broke a bone ♪
♪ That never healed in my hand ♪
♪ So when I hold her close ♪
♪ I might loosen my grip ♪
♪ But I won't ever let her go ♪
Boston!
♪ I won't ever let her go ♪
♪ When forever was a sentence ♪
♪ Sentence to death ♪
♪ Oh, when you were a running tear ♪
♪ I was a drop of sweat ♪
♪ And the edges of your soul ♪
♪ I haven't seen yet ♪
♪ Now I'm glad I get forever ♪
♪ To see where you end ♪
-[music ends] -[crowd cheering]
It's so good to be home!
[crowd cheering]
My name is Noah Kahan.
I'm from Strafford, Vermont.
I lived up the road in Watertown, Massachusetts.
My mom went to Boston College. My dad went to MIT.
And I'm playing fuckin' Fenway Park tonight!
[crowd cheering]
My mom and dad are here tonight.
Get back together! No, uh…
If your parents are split up, let me hear you say, "Hell yeah."
[crowd] Hell yeah!
[chuckles] Wow, you guys are fucked up.
Let me hear you say, "Two Christmases!"
[crowd] Two Christmases!
I know, uh… I know it's really easy to blame yourself, Boston.
I know it's easy to say, "It's my fault that they split up."
I want you to know, without a shadow of a doubt,
it is not your fault.
It's your dad's fault!
Uh, this next song is about being an asshole from the northeast,
being cold as hell.
Uh, Boston, thank you so much for the greatest night of my young life,
or old life, whatever. Thank you.
[indistinct shouting]
[guitar music playing]
[crowd cheering]
♪ Breathin' in ♪
♪ Breathin' out ♪
♪ How you been? ♪
♪ Settled down? ♪
♪ Feelin' right? ♪
♪ Feelin' proud? ♪
♪ How're your kids? ♪
♪ Where are they now? ♪
♪ You build a boat ♪
♪ You build a life ♪
♪ You lose your friends ♪
♪ You lose your wife ♪
♪ You settle in to routine ♪
♪ Where are you? ♪
♪ What does it mean? ♪
Three, four!
[music intensifies]
[vocalizing]
♪ If I get too close ♪
♪ And I'm not how you hoped ♪
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪
♪ Oh, I was raised out in the cold ♪
♪ If the sun don't rise ♪
♪ 'Til the summertime ♪
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪
♪ Oh, I was raised on little light ♪
[vocalizing]
Boston, New England!
♪ If I get too close ♪
[crowd] ♪ And I'm not what you hoped ♪
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪
♪ Oh, I was raised on little light ♪
♪ If the sun don't rise ♪
♪ 'Til the summertime ♪
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪
♪ Oh, I was raised on little light ♪
[music ends]
Thank you so much.
[ethereal music playing]
My entire life, I always have believed in fate.
Always believed there was some journey for me that I was supposed to be on.
[crowd cheering]
This is it.
[cheering intensifies]
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!
It's really magical that you get to live out
a dream you had when you were walking through the woods when you were a kid.
-[music reprises] -[crowd cheering]
This might be the last time I see a crowd this big for a long, long time.
[crowd screaming]
[whooping happily]
New England! One, two, three!
♪ So I thought that If I piled something good on all my bad ♪
♪ That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from Dad ♪
♪ No, I am no longer funny ♪
♪ 'Cause I miss the way you laugh ♪
♪ You once called me forever Now you still can't call me back ♪
-♪ And I love Vermont, but it's the… ♪ -[crowd] ♪ …season of the sticks ♪
-♪ And I… ♪ -[Noah] ♪ …saw your mom ♪
-♪ She… ♪ -[crowd] ♪ …forgot that I existed ♪
[all] ♪ And it's half my fault But I just like to play the victim ♪
[Noah] ♪ I'll drink… ♪
[crowd] ♪ …alcohol 'til my friends Come home for Christmas ♪
♪ And I'll dream each night Of some version of you ♪
♪ That I might not have But I did not lose ♪
♪ Now you're tire tracks And one pair of shoes ♪
♪ And I'm split in half But that'll have to… ♪
Fenway!
♪ …have to do ♪
[music ends]
[cheering intensifies]
Boston, we fuckin' love you!
[cheering continues]
Oh my God. That was truly the best night of my fuckin' life.
[Brenna] Want a water?
[Noah] Thanks, yeah.
[both laughing]
[Noah] Through tears.
-Oh my God. -[crowd chanting]
-That was insane. -[inaudible dialogue]
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah! Noah!
[fans screaming]
Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!
[girls shrieking]
[silence]
[gentle tapping]
-[Penny barking] -[groans]
Hey, Noey, do you… do you wanna try wearing these boots?
Last summer, I tried to do this myself, and I couldn't.
-[Noah] Oof. -They fit?
[boots squeaking]
I look like a crab.
[Lauri laughing]
[Noah] Just another Vermont day.
[Lauri] We're gonna need to pull the dock into the water,
and then we'll drop the, um, the weights.
[Penny whimpers]
[Noah] Three, two, one.
[Lauri] Go, go, there we go. Argh!
Careful!
[Noah] Bitch!
[Lauri] Okay, and now…
Penny ate the other half of this. [laughs]
[Noah] Darn it, Penny.
I just don't wanna see any creepy frogs.
[Lauri] Um, well…
[frog croaking]
-[Noah] I figured out a new way. -I like it.
I just played the biggest show of my life. All my friends and family were there.
Ugh!
[Noah] And so it's very strange to, kind of, like, go from a hundred to zero.
[ethereal electronic music playing]
[Noah] Like, I'm sad it's over.
And I… and I don't know what the next thing is, and it's scary.
I don't have a vision for what's next for myself.
Um, and now my mental health has never been, like,
as, I think as low
as it has been the last three months of my life.
I feel like you let fear kind of drive your life.
And I just have always had, like, a confidence in you
that you're gonna figure it… you're gonna be okay.
I just feel, like, the emptiness approaching, kind of,
and… I do not wanna look at it.
And it makes me sad.
[electric guitar strumming]
[electronic cacophony]
[man] I think that, like, uh, artists and children are very similar.
The only difference is that when a child runs toward the street,
you wanna grab them.
But when an artist does, you kinda just let 'em get hit by cars.
'Cause it's kinda the most important thing for them.
Like, that's when the best shit comes out.
But it's really hard to get to that place.
He has to make things a little more difficult for himself.
[blows raspberry]
[Noah] All right. [clears throat]
Check. Oh.
♪ I tried to beat the thoughts That you'd worked overtime to start ♪
♪ You said, "Fuck off" And I said nothin' for a while ♪
-[music stops] -[Gabe] Why not give it another shot.
♪ My deep misunderstanding Of your life…. ♪
-One second, one second. -[music stops]
♪ …standing of your life ♪
[music restarts]
♪ I hope you settle down I hope you marry rich ♪
Yikes, one more time.
♪ I'm not your soul And what am I to do with it? ♪
Is, is the vocal, like, fading in and out, volume-wise?
I feel like I was, like… at some points in the song, I felt way louder.
Well, you… We have to kind of match you as you're goin' along.
♪ I'm not your soul And what am I to do with it? ♪
♪ My deep misunderstanding of… ♪
Fuck me! Fuckin' part sucks.
Can I do that… Can I go to that pre-chorus again?
♪ My deep misunderstanding of… ♪
-Fuck! -[music stops]
[Gabe] You wanna take a break for a minute?
Yeah.
I'm trying to run away from a lot of stuff right now.
I think I've realized that there's some insurmountable goal that I'll never reach.
Like, I don't give a fuck about music right now. I don't care.
And it's such a bummer.
Maybe that's what I'm just feeling, is just tired of being somebody else.
Like, I don't see any of myself
in me anymore.
Like, I don't recognize myself. It's so weird.
[poignant piano music playing]
-[car horn beeps] -[whimpers]
[door opens, shuts]
[dogs barking]
-Hi, Josh. -Hi, sweetie.
How was your flight?
[Josh] There were more people in that plane than in Strafford.
[Noah] Brought his Gucci bags. [laughs]
[Brenna] There's a German Shepherd on it. It's perfect.
[Noah] I'm so excited for him to meet Junebug.
-She's so cute. -[Josh] She's a gorge… [chuckles]
-Hello. Hello. -[Noah high voice] Hi, Junebug!
[Josh growling]
[Noah laughing]
[Josh] Wow, I know.
This is, like, the office area, where I do all my business meetings.
-[Josh scoffs] -And this is a golf simulator.
This is where I hit golf balls and shit.
[music fades]
That's terrible. You wanna hit one?
See where I got my sling from.
-Sure. -All right.
-[laughing] That's actually not bad. -[Penny whining]
[Noah] Oh boy.
This is… this is very different than the first house I bought.
Put it that way. [chuckles]
-[Noah] Where, in Vermont? -Yeah.
[Noah] I read somewhere that you might never have
the conversation you wanna have with your dad or your mom.
So basically, when my… when my dog lived at my dad's house,
he'd get mad and be like, "Your dog dug holes!"
I was like, "No, she didn't dig holes. She would never do that."
And then we got to Nashville,
and immediately I realized he'd been right the entire time,
and that she was digging tons of holes.
-Say that first part again, I was right? -Dad was right the whole time.
You're always right in your own way.
If I could fantasize and daydream about one conversation with my dad,
it's where I can apologize for how selfish,
and short-tempered,
and… judgmental I've been of him.
So, y'know, just go back and forth, back and forth up and down the whole lawn.
That would be a huge… a huge benefit for your lawn.
[Noah] Shit sucks.
Dad, this reminds me of my childhood when I would ask if…
you for help with something,
and instead of showing me, you'd just do it. [laughs] Let me help.
It's like two negative whatever magnets, or whatever-the-fuck science-y thing.
Like, you just can't find the connection because you're both so similar.
I think we have similar form.
-Let me give you a little tip. -Okay.
I think I've cast him in an unfair light.
I'm way too hard on my dad.
D'you wanna use the smaller guitar?
-Here, I'll use the bigger guitar. -Okay.
-You're throwing me off my game, buddy. -Sorry.
So we played this song… remember, we played at the old folks' home?
-How old was I, Dad? -You were eight or nine.
[Noah] Eight or nine.
Thank God they had their hearing aids out that day.
[laughs] This is the first song my dad and I played together.
All right, you wanna start? So I'll start with the…
Hang on.
So I'll start the intro, then we'll go in together with the guitar, okay?
♪ It's not time to make a change Just relax, take it easy ♪
♪ You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to know ♪
♪ Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry ♪
♪ Look at me, I am old but I'm happy ♪
Here, why don't I play the guitar, lead, and then fingerpick over it?
[Josh] Yeah, I, I forgot that middle part.
-Me bad. -Let's try it again.
-All right. -[music restarts]
♪ It's not time to make a change Just sit down, take it slowly ♪
♪ You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to go through ♪
♪ Find a girl, settle down, if you want… ♪
Why don't we try one where you just fingerpick…
I'll strum and you fingerpick? Do it from the beginning.
-Okay. That might be dangerous. -I think it's gonna sound good.
-Wanna try it again? -Yeah.
We'll sing it at the same time.
Okay, together.
♪ It's not time to make a change Just sit down, take it slowly ♪
♪ You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to go through ♪
♪ Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry ♪
♪ Look at me, I am old but I'm happy ♪
♪ It's not time to make a change Just relax, take it easy ♪
♪ You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to know ♪
♪ Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry ♪
♪ Look at me, I am old but I'm happy ♪
[Noah] Nice.
[chuckles]
I'm sufficiently embarrassed.
[laughs] You sounded great. I miss being able to jam with you, Dad.
We always… we used to jam all the time. We don't do it as much anymore.
Y'know, every… every parent wants to be a shameless, bragging parent,
but I'm just so happy for, for what Noah's done.
I'm, I'm…
[softly] I don't wanna say anymore.
I love you, Dad, and I missed you a lot.
-Now I'm embarrassed. -[laughs] Don't be embarrassed.
-Wanna go get some lunch or something? -Sure.
[ambient music playing]
[Josh] What I'm most proud about is, um,
his focus on helping mental health.
It's a big deal.
So the fact that he's chosen that as his, kind of, passion
to help, I think, it… it means a lot to me.
This is the mirror in my dad's house that I would look into all the time.
I would laugh at myself in this mirror all the time when I was starting out.
Like, "What are you fuckin' doing?" Y'know.
A lot of days where I wondered if I'd ever like the way I looked.
I think people think because I'm able to describe something painful
that I'm able to get through something painful.
They hear something real, and they think that
because you know how to say what's real, you know how to solve that pain.
And I don't.
I never have. I can't solve it myself.
I can't imagine trying to solve it for the hundreds of thousands of people
that listen to my music or go to my shows, y'know.
I think one thing, like, I've learned that's really important to me,
throughout all of this, is, like, there is no… happy ending
or, like, full-circled moment,
or, like, there isn't one event in your life that fixes everything.
It's waking up every day and trying.
But I think with, like, body dysmorphia, body image, whatever I have,
um, like, I'm not curing it,
but I'm definitely walking near it and poking it with a stick
and saying, "What are you?"
And, uh, telling it to come out of the dark and show itself.
Feels nice. It feels like progress, which is cool.
And it feels like a problem I wanna solve now
instead of dying and passing it down to my kids.
[lively guitar music playing]
I miss feeling like Vermont is my home.
I felt like I belonged there.
I feel like I was more imaginative at home.
I miss that part of it a lot.
Hey, Tuck?
-[Tuck] Hey! -[chuckles]
-[Noah] Good to see ya! -Hi!
[Noah] How are you, man? How about the vibes down here? Unreal.
Are you guys still doing vocals, and…
-Yep. -Nice.
[Tuck] The vocal booth. Same microphone as you, man.
-[Noah] There you go. -But many, many kids later.
[Noah] Very nice.
And this one, all ripped and ragged,
this is Noah Kahan's old band folder.
Oh my God.
And the name of the band originally was the Bloodthirsty Indian Corn-Eating
Giant Swedish Man-Elves of Dark Love on Fire,
exclamation, exclamation, money sign.
The money sign's really important to the ethos of our group,
so don't ever forget that. [laughs]
Um, I didn't bring a guitar or anything. I was hoping I could play one of yours.
-[Tuck] Yeah. We got it here. -[mumbles indistinctly]
This is Tuck's Rock Dojo, uh, where I played in one of Tuck's many bands
when I was a kid.
I'm just back in a space that I love and haven't been in a long time,
and just making music.
[vocalizing softly]
[Tuck] Coming back to Vermont,
I would imagine that Noah's here to reconnect with his past
after, um, all the crazy, uh, adventures that he's been on.
It's good to kinda come back to the little place.
♪ And I just keep bleeding ♪
He walked through the door, and I think that we had probably two minutes
before a song was floating into him.
[vocalizing]
[electronic music playing]
-[Noah] Hey, let's go. -Penny and June, let's go!
[high voice] Good girl, June!
A lot of people who live in Strafford, uh, in the past, had never left Strafford.
It's just kinda like a magnetism back to Strafford.
I love Strafford. Uh, if I could, I would live here forever.
Betty, do you like it here? Do you wanna live here forever?
[Betty] No.
We decided that we are finally going to look for property, um,
in the Upper Valley, which is like this collection of towns that we're both from.
[Noah] We're trying to make an imminent move back, uh, to where we're from.
Looking at our next… our next place and coming back home, basically.
[Brenna] I love coming back here.
I'm, like, flooded with, like, all the memories of… of my childhood.
[Noah] We've tried to live in different places, and Nashville's great,
but being up here, it's like I don't have to think about music all the time.
I don't have to be confronted with my career all the time.
Around here, people aren't like, "How are your streaming numbers?" Y'know?
They're like, "How are your folks?"
And those kinds of things feel, like, more real.
I don't know if any place can solve all my issues.
Maybe it won't be the solution,
maybe I'll still be anxious and whatever, depressed.
But, um, at least I'll be anxious and depressed
in a place that's actually anxious and depressing looking.
[both chuckle]
You should see the rental car I have. It's completely covered in mud.
Did you see that?
I requested a Suburban or a bigger car 'cause I knew we were gonna be…
I'd just been to Joshua Tree and got a pickup truck.
-Like, a big truck. -[Lauri] No way!
And I could not park it. And it was so embarrassing.
So I'm like, "Fuck that." So I just gotta big…
Noah's like, "I'd like a Kia, please."
I was cosplaying as, like, somebody that could drive a truck.
-Richard, you ready, buddy? -Yeah, I'm ready.
[Noah] All right. It's in the computer.
Weird. Hold on a second.
-Attentive eyes. -All right.
[young Josh] The lovely wife, Lauri.
-Oh, hi. -[woman] Do not take pictures.
[Josh] You would never know she had 14 kids.
That's classic Dad.
You should really watch and decide maybe you shouldn't have kids, or at least…
[little Noah shrieking]
[Lauri] I love you very much.
That is so good. How old were you?
Probably… oh, if it's Simon's first birthday, I was 35.
Oh my God!
[Richard] Was that a normal amount of kids to have at that age back then?
-Back in the… when everybody looked and… -[Noah] In the olden days? [laughs]
Yeah, cos we just kept having kids 'cause we knew some would die.
How did the Dust Bowl affect my childhood? You were on some, like, colonial shit.
[young Sasha] Presenting the amazing Noah Dinosaur!
-[young Lauri] Showtime! -[screeches]
-[young Sasha] I'm gonna say a few words. -[screeches]
[Sasha] It is. Do it.
[young Lauri] Take a bow, Noey.
And a bow, like this.
Fabulous.
Oh, beautiful!
-[young Josh] What's your name, please? -Oh, I really wanna be a fire truck man.
-[Josh] A fire truck man? -Yeah.
-[Josh] What's your name again? -Noah Berkenkamp Kahan.
[Josh] And what's your name, missus?
I'm Lauri Lee Berkenkamp Kahan.
[Josh] What do you wanna be when you grow up?
I wanna be married to that handsome Josh Kahan. And be a famous writer.
-[Noah] Aw! -This breaks my heart.
-[Richard] I know. -[Josh] When you gonna marry the guy?
[Lauri] Look at Daddy. He's so young.
[Noah] Wow, that's insane to look at dad like that.
-It is crazy. -[Noah] That's tripped me the fuck out.
Oh, man.
[children shrieking on computer]
[Josh] Noey, can you wish Sash a happy birthday?
Yes! Happy birthday, Sash!
[overlapping dialogue]
[Noah] I would watch hours of that.
I know. I love that.
-I miss seeing everyone like that. -You kids were so incredibly cute.
That was so cute.
[producer] Does it ever feel weird to have your family's dirty laundry
included in Noah's music?
Um, well…
y'know, I guess a little bit, but not really. I don't know.
Like, I… I think…
I think it just is there.
And Noah makes…
Noah makes our family's dirty laundry just seem like being human.
I think that's what resonates with people, because everybody has their dirty laundry
and no family is perfect, and, as you can tell, ours is clearly not.
But I love that, and I think that's what people really feel about it too.
Thanks, Mommy.
I think everyone deserves to be… told that the dirty laundry is gonna be aired.
And I should have told you guys that I was airing some dirty laundry.
But, like you said, I think it has humanized us
and made it all feel, like, more normal.
I still could've done a better job to make sure everyone was cool with it.
-No, you were absolutely fine. Not at all. -Okay. That makes me feel better.
-It's good to know you're not mad at me. -I'm not mad at you about it. I love it.
I love… I listen to your album all the time. I'm a ridiculous fan.
-I love you. -Can I have your autograph?
[music fades]
[guitar twanging]
[vocalizing]
I wanna be perfect, and, like, I'm not going to be.
But I haven't taken that first step into imperfection yet.
I think the thing I need to do is jump off the fuckin' diving board, dude.
That's how I feel right now.
[melodic guitar music playing]
♪ I grew up pretending Sticks were little guns ♪
♪ I would point 'em at my dad And he'd get mad ♪
♪ 'Cause God forbid I'd hurt someone ♪
Hey, Penny!
And then I'll write some bridge eventually.
-Hi, sweetie! -[Gabe] Hi, guys!
Brenna and I have been really good. I've been enjoying living here
and forgot how special it was to be sleeping in the same bed every night.
Yeah, that's good.
I know that I'm most happy when I'm home and when I'm making music.
Nice.
[vocalizing] I love that, dude.
All right, do we have a click, or a tempo, or anything like that?
-[Gabe] I think so. -Yeah, feels fun.
We have to… we have to earn that fun. You don't just get to have fun.
-[man] We've earned it. -[Noah] Around here?
-[man] Around here, we earn it. -[Noah] We earn fun.
♪ I'm the trouble ahead ♪
♪ I used to scream in my sleep ♪
♪ Put my money on red I'm a sure bet at a losing streak ♪
♪ Keep on showing you doors ♪
♪ That you can't open up ♪
♪ It gets harder to see me The closer you try to look ♪
♪ How does it feel, baby To be the one who decided to knock? ♪
♪ You knock ♪
♪ Have you ever stared Directly at the sun? ♪
♪ Have you ever shared some closeness So exposed ♪
♪ To have it spit back by someone? ♪
♪ So forgive me if I jump ♪
♪ Ever had to look for your keys "Oh, are you leavin'?" ♪
♪ No, babe, I'm just wakin' up ♪
♪ Now what? ♪
♪ How much staring at the ceiling ♪
♪ Is the reason You should pack all your shit up? ♪
[music intensifies]
♪ How does it feel, babe That you're the one? ♪
♪ You're the one ♪
-[music fades] -[crowd screaming]
[whimsical guitar music playing]
♪ I'm the tall glass of water You lost in your kitchen ♪
♪ I'm casually cruel Like a senior prediction ♪
♪ Most likely to leave At the sign of a fork in the road ♪
♪ You looked just like your father As the news was delivered ♪
♪ Cut a hole in my heart That bled into my liver ♪
♪ I miss being alone When it didn't mean being alone ♪
[muffled] Whoo!
♪ And if love was contagious I might be immune to it ♪
♪ Pain's like cold water Your brain just gets used to it ♪
♪ Try to keep swimming Keep Dad's good word in my mouth ♪
♪ But they're fighting like dogs In the town across the river ♪
♪ Over a brand-new crosswalk That won't matter come winter ♪
♪ Lord, sometimes folks just need Something to be angry about ♪
♪ What you angry about? ♪
♪ I ain't bitter 'bout much these days ♪
♪ In some ways, I'm lucky to be here ♪
[crowd cheering]
♪ Where the miners stayed In them good old days ♪
♪ Yes, real men used to sleep here ♪
♪ All those roadside graves Where my friends still lay ♪
♪ I walk by just to weep here ♪
♪ They say killin' time ain't a homicide ♪
♪ But a prayer for a leap year ♪
[young Lauri] Noah? Love you.
[stream water trickling]
[leaves crunching]
[sound fades] ing]