1
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,320
This is a 100-page script.
2
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,000
This girl is so fond of Hindi
3
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,840
that she hates English.
4
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,600
Now she wants to be a stand-up comedian.
5
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,480
And I was like, Darn, stand-up!
6
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,080
This is like my worst nightmare.
7
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,880
I have a feeling there's going to be a bomb that's getting dropped.
8
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,720
I was talking to Ammu, she heard that I was rather flustered.
9
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:35,440
She said why don't you think about doing some sort of stand-up.
10
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,600
I don't know what will come out of it,
11
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:38,920
but it has stayed in my head.
12
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:39,880
It's a challenge I think.
13
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:41,960
People will want to know more about
14
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,920
things that have happened in her past, her relationships,
15
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,960
I feel that those things may break her.
16
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,320
Co-Presented by
Only Natural Diamonds.
17
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,480
Co-Powered by Lotus Youth Rx.
18
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,880
Official makeup partner Lakme.
19
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,360
I spoke to Ekta, I spoke to my team,
I said listen,
20
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,200
'What if I have to do stand-up
21
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:23,280
or do something
in the comedy comic space?'
22
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:24,160
But I don't know!
23
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:25,320
I don't know.
24
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,280
I'm actually pretty blown away that
25
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,480
you have decided that
26
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,120
you're going to let cameras
come into your house.
27
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,720
And also, I feel that,
over the.. what?
28
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,880
20-22 years of knowing you,
29
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,880
I only know as much as
you want me to know.
30
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,480
-Exactly! But that's how I like it.
-Yeah.
31
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,120
I'll put out just as
much as I want.
32
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,600
But... stand-up, Malla!
That's my only fear.
33
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,880
You'll have to let them
get beyond that.
34
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:54,920
That's my thing.
35
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,080
Are you willing to do it?
36
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,280
-Are you willing to shed it...
-Strip.
37
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,440
-Strip that down.
-Strip it!
38
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:02,560
Are you going to do it?
39
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,160
Because you're always
walking on eggshells.
40
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,280
-That's serious.
-Try me.
41
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,960
I'm serious. Try me.
42
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,840
I've done a little bit of stand-up.
43
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,160
Did you suck at it?
44
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,280
I really thought it was one
of the hardest things
45
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,440
and I did make an auditorium
full of people laugh because
46
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,880
90 percent of the jokes
were on myself.
47
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,640
Are you willing to do that?
48
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,920
Are you willing to
crack a joke on yourself?
49
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,080
Are you willing to crack jokes
on people who are close to you?
50
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,240
Like, crack a joke on Arjun.
51
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,280
Crack a joke in one second.
52
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,720
There are funny things about him.
53
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,480
There are funny things about you.
54
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,080
I can see you are
getting a sinking feeling.
55
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,320
Crack a joke.
56
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,280
Are you done?
57
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,720
You can't hold your head in
despair during the stand-up.
58
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,680
Okay.
59
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,840
Making people laugh is really hard.
60
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,560
So, tell me,
should I do it or not...
61
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:07,800
I know you are funny.
62
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,360
I know you're funny.
63
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,160
But more than that,
you're so like,
64
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,360
if your mind is made up,
you're not going to let go.
65
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,520
What is the worst-case scenario?
66
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,080
People won't laugh, right?
67
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,240
It can't get worse than that.
We won't do it again.
68
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,760
I feel, from your
tone that I shouldn't.
69
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,440
That it is not something
that's up my street.
70
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:31,920
I'm not saying you shouldn't.
71
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000
But I'm saying that be careful.
72
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,160
I'm showing you the mirror.
73
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,560
You decide your next move.
74
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,520
I just want to know, as a friend,
75
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,200
why now?
76
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,600
Like, why do you want to do it now?
77
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,240
Not now then when?
78
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,120
What was the trigger?
79
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,720
Personally, as a choice,
80
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,160
I have become a certain way
because I'm so conscious about...
81
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,000
a perception,
what will people say,
82
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,680
how will it be taken,
hurting people's feelings...
83
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,480
You know, there's a constant
battle over there.
84
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,920
So, I feel, I want to go
against the grain for a change.
85
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:07,880
Why not?
86
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,040
Now, I want to do things for myself.
87
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:11,760
I want to enjoy!
88
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,920
I want to be able to push
the envelope
89
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,360
and just go out there and do it.
90
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,200
What if you end up hurting someone?
91
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:18,680
So be it.
92
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,760
In the bargain, if somebody
93
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,920
likes it, doesn't like it,
gets hurt...
94
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,360
I don't care.
95
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,640
It's stand-up.
Don't they do that in stand-up?
96
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,080
Can't you get away with it?
97
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,320
Isn't there a creative
license over there?
98
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:34,920
Let's see.
99
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,400
Well done!
100
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,080
I'm actually proud of you.
101
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,360
The point is that you've
made up of your mind.
102
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,440
I have.
103
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,040
If I do this stand-up,
104
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,440
I will leave no stone unturned.
105
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,040
I know that.
106
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,320
-More explosive?
-Yeah. Why not?
107
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:51,960
I'm ready to be fully explosive.
108
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,880
An explosion! Boom! Bam!
109
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,120
You know, you're
saying this, and I see.
110
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:00,880
I'm saying it!
111
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,880
And then you're like...
112
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:03,960
No, no.
113
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,400
I know that she was going for it,
and she's telling me that
114
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,160
I know I want to do this
and I'm ready for the challenge.
115
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,720
And I know that she
is also aware that she's
116
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,200
walking on eggshells.
117
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,320
But she's making this shift,
and why not?
118
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,920
I mean, go Malla!
119
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,680
Are we going to see
Arjun on this show or not?
120
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:22,880
-Yeah. We'll get to that.
-Get to that.
121
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,520
-Let's see.
-Let's see.
122
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,920
We'll check the report
for the next day.
123
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,320
When the report for the next day
is out...
124
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,960
I would've had 10 shots by then
and I'll be like...
125
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:31,960
'Don't say it.'
126
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,240
Then again, back to centre.
127
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,160
-Now, let it all slide.
-And I'll come back.
128
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:37,520
Okay.
129
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,080
Then I'm going to
send you one message.
130
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,040
Guts.
131
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:41,880
A big one!
132
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,520
I say, no guts no glory.
133
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,800
-Super!
-Yes, take the glory.
134
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,640
-Take all the guts too.
-No guts no glory.
135
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,560
They won't know
what's coming their way.
136
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,560
By the end of my whole
conversation with Neha,
137
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,200
some of it was very conflicting.
138
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,600
But maybe she did tell me
139
00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,480
in her own words that,
'You know, Malla,
140
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,120
whatever be the outcome,
we don't know, but just go for it.'
141
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,800
I wonder why Ammu never answers
on the first ring.
142
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,280
It always takes her
143
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,920
86 rings before she
can answer anything.
144
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,800
Yes. How may I help you?
145
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,000
I've been telling you things about
146
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,320
some film offers that
have been coming my way
147
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,560
and I keep saying no.
148
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,560
I start sweating.
149
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,440
I get very uncomfortable
mouthing dialogues in Hindi.
150
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,360
I feel very strange.
151
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,880
I mean, it just doesn't
come naturally.
152
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,400
I spoke to Ammu
also before my car reel.
153
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,720
I thought she really
gave me amazing advice.
154
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,760
So, I was like,
why not speak to her again.
155
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:53,560
When she heard, she said,
156
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,240
'Anyway, your Hindi is terrible.
This, that, I don't know.'
157
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,240
And after everything, she says,
158
00:06:58,320 --> 00:06:59,960
I do actually have a suggestion.
159
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,640
I had a dialect coach
before my first film.
160
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,240
I'm going to send him to you today.
161
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,560
Don't give excuses
162
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,800
that not today,
I am busy!
163
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,240
I'm at home.
164
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,400
I'm saying send him.
Now you're irritating me.
165
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,440
Okay, fine.
Thank you. Bye.
166
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,520
Okay. Bye. Bye.
167
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:20,800
Fine. Are you ready
to meet a Dialect Coach?
168
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,560
Or is your dialect as bad as mine?
169
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,280
Sweety, let's go!
170
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,480
If you can have a Dancing Coach,
171
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,560
if you can have a
Body Language Coach,
172
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,600
you have an Intimacy Coach.
173
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,920
I mean, there are various coaches.
So, there is an also...
174
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,240
A Dialect Coach.
175
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,760
So, I said, 'Okay, fine.
Let's trust the Dialect Coach.'
176
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,720
-Hi.
-Hi.
177
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,800
-Sir, this is Malaika.
-Hello.
178
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,000
-Hello. How are you?
-Hello.
179
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,560
Fine. Please, have a seat.
180
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:04,280
What is your name?
181
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,400
My name is Israr Ansari.
182
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,720
-Ishrar...
-Israr.
183
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,880
I-S-R-A-R.
184
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,600
-Israr Ansari.
-Yes.
185
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,480
One of my songs is very famous.
186
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,720
'Zindagi Maut Na Ban
Jaye Sambhalo Yaaron.'
187
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,800
-Oh, yeah!
-It's your song?
188
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:17,840
-From 'Sarfarosh'.
-Okay.
189
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,680
Let's start with
the diacritic marks.
190
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,480
All three of them are here.
191
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,960
'Kha', 'Ga', 'Ka'.
192
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,360
-Okay?
-What?
193
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,760
-What was that?
-There's 'Kha'.
194
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,560
There's 'Ga',
and then there's 'Ka'.
195
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,040
I'll elaborate.
196
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,920
If we want to say, 'khayal'.
197
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:38,800
'Khayal'.
198
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:41,360
This will be better if you
understand it like this.
199
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,200
When we have cold and cough,
a sound is created within.
200
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,120
This is the sound.
201
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:50,960
Very good.
202
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,120
Not bad.
203
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,160
I have cold and cough
all year round.
204
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,760
-Now say 'Kham'.
-'Kham'.
205
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,080
Now say it from here,
'Khham'.
206
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,640
-'Khham'.
-Very good!
207
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,520
-Sorry. I'll try it again.
-Well done!
208
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,280
'Khhayal.'
209
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,640
'Khhaya...'
210
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,400
Now say 'Khum'.
211
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:19,880
'Khum'.
212
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,120
For the life of me,
I can't remember those words.
213
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:22,960
He said some...
214
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,600
He said some words.
I don't remember at all.
215
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,160
I mean, they were
really tough words.
216
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,520
And he said,
I need to have a deeper voice.
217
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,440
Speak from here.
218
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,400
-In this...
-Drink water.
219
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,560
In this way.
220
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,200
Hold on.
221
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,960
Now, I'll tell you about 'Ga'.
222
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,080
'Ga' has a sound in gargle.
223
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,480
Do it once.
224
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,640
-Can I take a sip?
-Yes, go ahead.
225
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,120
Yeah. Exactly!
226
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,360
This is the sound we need.
227
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,760
Now you have to say...
228
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:10,560
"Gham galat galti sanam."
229
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,440
"Gham galat galti sanam."
230
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,080
You're not using
the diacritic marks.
231
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,280
I couldn't decide whether
I should start laughing at myself
232
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,560
or whether I should actually
be a good student because
233
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,360
I was hearing myself.
234
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,800
'Gham.'
235
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:25,720
No.
236
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,520
I sounded insane.
237
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,800
I don't know what I was saying.
238
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,640
Every word I was
saying sounded bizarre.
239
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:31,800
Try again.
240
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,040
'Gham.' 'Gam.'
241
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,520
'Gham', 'Galat'.
242
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,720
'Galti'.
243
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,800
"Gham galat galti sanam."
244
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,080
No, no.
245
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,040
A bit more focus.
246
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,000
If you focus once,
it will be done.
247
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,880
Keep your mobile aside.
248
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,000
How will you learn
with that around? Keep it aside.
249
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:56,840
Oh, sorry.
250
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,040
While learning something,
251
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,080
you must be focused.
252
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:01,800
Okay?
253
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,440
I'm a very competitive student.
254
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,400
So, sitting over there and not
getting it right was pissing me off.
255
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,000
I've come to teach you,
and I will.
256
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,880
Tell me,
a night masculine or feminine?
257
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,480
Is day masculine or feminine?
258
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,520
Day is feminine.
259
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,880
Day is masculine.
260
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,480
-Oh, okay.
-The night is feminine.
261
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,880
Oh! The night is feminine.
262
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,000
Yes. It's masculine and feminine.
263
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,600
Oh, naughty!
264
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,080
But sir, on a scale of 1-10,
265
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,720
score me for today.
266
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,640
The marks I can
give you for today...
267
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,160
Six?
268
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,480
I can give you three.
269
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:48,520
Sir, what...
270
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,000
Sir, but she was so good.
271
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,280
-No.
-That means,
272
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,560
this score is way below average.
-You'll have to work hard.
273
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,320
You'll have to work very hard.
274
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,000
I'll make you say all this.
275
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:04,880
Betty has got a bit of butter.
276
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,160
Bitter butter better be better...
277
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,600
Anyone can say this.
278
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:09,360
Anyone can say it.
279
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,840
-You say it.
-Then you say it as well.
280
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:11,560
Yes.
281
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,880
You teach me that,
and I'll teach you this.
282
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,240
-Okay. I'll teach you.
-Okay.
283
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,400
He was amazing.
284
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,400
He was so well-versed
with the language.
285
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,680
But I feel like I'm sinking
over here.
286
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:22,800
I don't know what's going on
287
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,640
Let's just end this right here.
288
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,600
That was tough.
289
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:35,440
I have never been so deflated
or demoralized in my life, Casper.
290
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,160
Hello?
291
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,280
No, I didn't realize you left.
292
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,480
But I asked Ekta and said
let's go for a stand-up.
293
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:48,800
I know of Sumukhi.
294
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,560
I know she's amazing
at what she does.
295
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,640
I've never been
to her actual stand-up.
296
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,640
I've never seen it live.
297
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,920
Okay. Bye.
298
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,040
Bye.
299
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,880
The film aspect, the script,
300
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,000
I'm still unsure.
301
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,160
I still don't know whether
I want to go down that road
302
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,040
or whether I want
to take that plunge.
303
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,040
But the one thing
that's really stuck with me
304
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,600
was the stand-up part of it.
305
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:19,960
I'm really excited.
306
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,440
This is actually homework.
307
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,760
You know, to see a stand-up
in their own natural space,
308
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,400
what it is like to be,
309
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,080
and how to go about
an entire stand-up act.
310
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,240
As you can see,
I'm dressed as a Balloon
311
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,840
which you can't gift your kids.
312
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,360
The kids will flee and say,
'No, this balloon is too huge!'
313
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,480
I've entered a tad bit late.
314
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,600
So, I was trying to sneak in
315
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,800
and just quietly sit
without being noticed.
316
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,400
Of course, Sumukhi's
sharp eye and wit caught me.
317
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,520
We have a latecomer.
A round of applause!
318
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,160
That's right!
319
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,120
But she is allowed.
320
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:04,600
She's danced on a train.
321
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,840
I'm sure she must
be getting angry.
322
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,400
Whenever 'Chaiyya' is played
everyone sits down.
323
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,240
Nobody stands up and dances.
324
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,760
Everyone sits and dances.
325
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,240
I'm sure she's frustrated
that she was on top of the train,
326
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,160
about to fall, while the
others are sitting and doing this.
327
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,440
Wow! She was amazing.
328
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,320
The way she interacted,
329
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,080
just the way she was,
her body language.
330
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,880
I mean, I was trying to notice
all these little things.
331
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,880
I think, in my head, I was
imagining myself already on stage.
332
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:31,680
Thank you so much.
333
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,400
Because of you,
I did my hair.
334
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,160
You're looking lovely.
How nice.
335
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,280
I think we should
meet more often...
336
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:37,720
Yeah.
337
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,000
because it will do this, right?
338
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,960
I think, this is a great segue
339
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,640
because that was a great line.
340
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,000
For me to...
You want to do stand-up?
341
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,120
I don't know what a stand-up does.
342
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,560
I've watched, but it
takes a lot of guts.
343
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,920
But your life is filled
with conflicts.
344
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,960
I'm sure I have a lot of content
which you can use.
345
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,560
But I don't know
whether I can actually use
346
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,520
that content for myself, so...
347
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,440
It's going to be a fun ride.
348
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,680
And I want to help you, for sure.
349
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:00,760
Don't worry,
we'll have a great time.
350
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,200
The first thing you do is,
351
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,560
speak about the most
uncomfortable part of it.
352
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,160
Like, if it's a breakup where I
have been cheated on 4 times,
353
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,400
I have to take that.
354
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,560
And I'm like, 'No, I have been
cheated on 4 times, therefore
355
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,240
the audience is like, of course.
356
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,400
Some people will be like,
they're bound to cheat on you.
357
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,360
And the other people will be like,
'Oh, poor thing.'
358
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,040
And the other people
actually mock and laugh at you.
359
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,800
So, honestly, the first step,
360
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,040
you have to speak about things that
the audience is thinking about you.
361
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,720
They're like, Malaika.
She's divorced.
362
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:27,520
Oh, I see.
363
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,800
Oh Malaika...
She's dating a younger man.
364
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,640
How dare you!
365
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,440
Lucky bitch!
366
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,560
You know, half of the world
is really thinking that.
367
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,680
I think these are the
topics we should explore.
368
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:40,520
Single mother.
369
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,400
Divorce.
370
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,480
Dating a younger guy.
371
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,080
Your accident, trolls.
372
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,120
I know exactly what
we should call your bit.
373
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,520
The whole stand-up bit.
374
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,280
We should call it...
375
00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,160
'Milf'.
376
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,680
You're not serious.
377
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,680
Can't. Not here.
378
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,000
Nobody takes it well.
379
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,400
No, no, no!
380
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:18,720
No! I was like no.
381
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,360
In my head, 'Not at all!'
382
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,440
Nothing and no one could convince me
383
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,200
that I would want to
call my stand-up set 'Milf'.
384
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,840
No, no. I'm not in favour.
385
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,720
You have to do it.
386
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,240
Okay.
387
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,960
I was swallowing harder.
388
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,960
How do you address these topics
in a fun way?
389
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,560
Anyway, I get enough of flak
and I get trolled.
390
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,000
I can't now with this add...
391
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,000
But that's exactly what
you are getting trolled for
392
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,040
because Milf’s full form for you is,
393
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,480
'Man, I look fabulous!'
394
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,440
Or maybe by the end of it,
395
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,360
'Man, I look foolish.'
396
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,000
Yeah. 'Man, I look like a fool.'
Great!
397
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,720
See, if you get
'Man, I look like a fool',
398
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,160
you truly are a stand-up comic.
399
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,080
You should write
your first diet 50.
400
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,600
Just by the fact that she said
401
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,040
Milf stands for,
'Man, I look fabulous'.
402
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,000
In that second over there,
I was like, let's go!
403
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,720
Now I'm ready!
404
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,000
Teach me, bring it on.
I can do this.
405
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,920
Okay, I just want to say
that my hands are cold.
406
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,040
I just want to say that.
407
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,120
I'm really nervous.
408
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,080
Yeah, just remember this feeling.
409
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,600
I won't be able to sleep,
I won't be able to function.
410
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,720
I won't be able to eat.
411
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,360
Welcome to stand-up comedy.
412
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,600
I will be in a bit of tizz.
I'm telling you now.
413
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,000
I don't know whether I can deliver.
414
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,080
But I feel, I'll give it a shot.
415
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,480
Thank you.
416
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:40,840
-Okay?
-Yes!
417
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,080
-I'll see you.
-Yes.
418
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,280
Alright! Bye, love.
419
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,720
Bye! Thank you.
420
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,600
-See you soon, on stage.
-Thanks for all that.
421
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,920
-Okay. Bye.
-Bye.
422
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,080
Come on!
423
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,400
Who's going to eat some food?
424
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,720
Come.
425
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:05,680
You need your energy.
426
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,840
I have things to tell you.
427
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,640
I spoke to Sumukhi.
428
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,640
We had loads of conversations.
429
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,120
Many voice notes.
430
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,120
Late night voice recordings.
431
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,440
She gave me homework.
432
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,040
She said I've got to practice
in front of the mirror.
433
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:22,800
Okay.
434
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,400
Hi.
435
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,520
Hi, I'm Malaika Arora.
436
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,200
Welcome to...
437
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:31,040
Hi, I'm Malaika Arora,
and welcome to my stand-up.
438
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,760
Hi, I'm Malaika...
439
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,120
Hi, I'm Malaika Arora.
440
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,560
Welcome to my stand-up comedy.
441
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,680
But I sound crazy
talking like this.
442
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,480
That moment in my head, which I've
thought holding that mike and...
443
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,400
and talking to an audience,
444
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,560
all those thoughts disappeared,
and all I could see was,
445
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,120
I don't know, just fear.
446
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,760
Oh gosh. Okay!
447
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,040
Hi everyone!
I'm Malaika Arora
448
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,080
and welcome to my stand-up comedy.
449
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,120
That sounded fine.
450
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,040
Hi everyone.
This is Malaika Arora
451
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,560
and welcome to my stand-up comedy.
452
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,520
Let's address the elephant
in the room.
453
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,120
My divorce.
454
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,680
If you have to be
a stand-up comic,
455
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,800
you should be ready
to laugh at yourself.
456
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,160
You should be ready
to joke at yourself,
457
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,640
you should be ready
to touch upon topics that
458
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,440
I may not be comfortable with.
459
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,880
Everyone has a take on my divorce.
460
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,800
Do I really care?
461
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,200
Do I really care?
462
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,080
Okay, I can't do this.
463
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:37,960
I can't.
464
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,120
I'm signing up for comedy,
but I just hope it doesn't
465
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,080
turn into a tragedy.
That's it.
466
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,760
Sumukhi and I just
decided to let's meet.
467
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,480
-Hi!
-Hello!
468
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,040
-Hi!
-Welcome!
469
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,160
Because chances are
that I'll forget my lines
470
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,880
and I'll fumble,
that are very high.
471
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,120
I wanted to be able to
feel at least comfortable there.
472
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,440
That's Casper.
473
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:04,280
Casper, hi.
474
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:05,400
That's Sumukhi.
475
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:09,960
Listen...
476
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,360
It's a daunting task.
477
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,880
It really is scary.
478
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,520
No, I don't think you
should be worried at all.
479
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,240
I'm not inherently funny.
480
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,040
The standing joke in my family is,
481
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,240
Malaika cracks a
joke once a year
482
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,760
when everybody laughs.
483
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080
We'll put together
all the mega-jokes
484
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:25,720
and then we'll make sure...
485
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,280
But the good thing about Milf is,
486
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,600
it is the beginning of the fact
that we can keep it personal.
487
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,760
Honestly, your life
is filled with conflicts.
488
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:33,200
I mean, this is...
489
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,320
I'm a sucker for drama!
490
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,200
-Exactly!
-I'm a sucker for trouble.
491
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,360
What are the most
common trolls you get?
492
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,640
Old.
493
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,400
Wow!
494
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,040
-What is this aggression?
-Aunty.
495
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,560
Aunty?
496
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,440
Okay, that's illegal.
You shouldn't be called that.
497
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,080
What are your actual thoughts
about dating a younger guy?
498
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,880
Like, we don't have to really
talk about dating a younger guy,
499
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,840
we can arrive at it.
You know what I mean?
500
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:02,960
-But your angle about it.
-No, but I think
501
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,200
one should talk about it.
502
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,120
-Yeah?
-I mean, why not?
503
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,480
We should address it because...
504
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,240
-Yeah?
-I think we should.
505
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,480
You know, the most
spoken about topic online
506
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:10,600
is your duck walk.
507
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,720
And everyone is just obsessed
with it.
508
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:13,920
If you address it,
509
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,520
then now it's no longer a troll.
510
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,280
It's a duck walk?
511
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,120
It's called a duck walk.
512
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,800
Let me tell you,
all of these people that I know,
513
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,000
my friends joking about how I walk,
514
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,240
the way paps follow me,
515
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,560
imitating the way I walk,
516
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,480
they all have great sense of humour.
517
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,560
Put your hands together
for Malaika Arora!
518
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:35,560
Where are you walking?
519
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,080
This is not Fashion India Week.
520
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:37,720
Please go back.
521
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:38,720
Walk like a person.
522
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,120
-That's how I walk.
-No, you're
523
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,120
supposed to walk
like you're nervous.
524
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,720
Now, you look like
you're going to rock it!
525
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,280
Wait. Is this your natural walk?
526
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,240
Maybe not.
527
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,400
Maybe not.
528
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:47,040
Okay.
529
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,360
Alright, ladies and gentlemen,
530
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,200
Malaika Arora!
531
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,280
Oh! Perfect! Thank you.
532
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,040
Keep clapping! Keep clapping!
533
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,160
This is your mike.
534
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,960
Well done! Well done!
535
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,400
Yeah. Great. Okay.
536
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,480
Hi, this is Malaika Arora.
537
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,960
Okay. Not a Hallmark Card.
Okay, cool.
538
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,360
You should hold the mike...
539
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:06,240
This is very annoying.
I don't like this mike.
540
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,520
Alright.
541
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,760
Can I use this mike?
-You need to hold the mike
542
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,080
not like you are holding
on to your life.
543
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,600
It's kind of, you're not like...
544
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,600
I am shitting right now.
545
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,280
I am...
546
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,920
I may look like I'm
really calm and all of that,
547
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,720
but I'm not calm inside.
548
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,440
I feel I have severe
acidity right now.
549
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,120
Everything is here right now.
550
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,160
Everything, it's like. I'm uneasy.
I'm just so uneasy.
551
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,600
The one thing that's
going to happen is,
552
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,360
people tend to speak
from the throat.
553
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:36,800
-From the epiglottis.
-Yeah.
554
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,080
But you have to speak
from your stomach.
555
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:38,920
-From the stomach?
-From here.
556
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,200
Yeah, it has to come from here.
Because stomach is way better.
557
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,400
So, I'm speaking from my throat.
558
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:43,960
Yes.
559
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:44,960
But you don't have to get loud.
560
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,920
-I'm speaking from my stomach.
-Yeah!
561
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:47,800
Makes no sense.
562
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,040
Come on!
563
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,360
-The only time my stomach speaks
-Come on!
564
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:51,920
to me is when I'm hungry.
565
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,520
I mean, then where to begin?
566
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,240
No part of my existence
in my 47 years
567
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,240
of my life on this earth,
I haven't...
568
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,320
even attempted to do
something like this.
569
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,400
This is genuinely the first time
570
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,120
that I'm doing something like this.
571
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,000
You have to go home, girl!
572
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,440
It was lovely having you over.
Time to leave. Come on.
573
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,400
Tonight, is my stand-up performance.
574
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,600
No retakes, no cuts.
575
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,320
There's just too much pressure.
576
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,520
The stand-up thing
was something that I
577
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,440
was just not expecting her
to get into that whole one.
578
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,640
It is something that she's never
done before.
579
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:40,880
So, a little bit nervous.
580
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,960
Doing stand-up comedy is no joke.
581
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,680
This is fucking scary!
582
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:54,120
I have to be able to make
a room full of people laugh.
583
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,400
I'm nervous as hell!
584
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,440
I'm a mother, I'm a daughter,
but to the world,
585
00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,400
I'm divorced.
586
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,000
In fact, I think, outside my house,
587
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,600
the nameplate should say 'Divorced'.
588
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,960
I have moved on,
589
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,560
my ex has moved on.
590
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,360
When the "F" will all
of you move on?
591
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,280
I'm also dating a younger man.
592
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,000
I want to thank Arjun Kapoor
593
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,200
for not being here tonight
594
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,960
because otherwise all of this
would've been all about
595
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,440
Arjun moving in with Malaika!