I get only Rs. 10,000 as my pocket money.
I must pay for gas, phone recharge
and beers, food, along with expenses for my looks.
Then to pay for her gifts. How can I handle this all?
This is not the point.
Point is that I used to get erections in the morning
but since the past few days I do not get an erection.
I always thought love was futile.
Then I realized
boys are under-manufactured product of God.
Then God made better products. Men.
I am telling you. You need to keep the room cold.
It will surely work.
Clean the clothes of baby. Baby poops.
Feed the baby. Clean their clothes. Baby poops. Change diaper.
I have seen it in a movie. I know what happens.
Will you please come to the point?
I feel that it no longer craves joy.
I do not think boys can ever understand women at all.
- It is not even the point. - Pray tell the world!
How can it be delayed for two weeks?
- How would I do? - What do you mean?
You keep marking it in the calendar. Who else will know if not you?
Just ask him when was the last time he did it.
Sex.
- What is sex? - Sir!
Best thing in the world.
Sit down.
How many of you all know Woody Allen?
No, sir!
- The Hollywood filmmaker. Nobody? - No, sir!
Woody Allen once said
'I do not know the question but sex is definitely the answer.'
Wait! Wait! Wait!
On a much more basic level
sex is just another human need.
Although an integral one
but it is not everything.
Someone rightly said
Sex is the consolation you have if you cannot have love.
Maybe that is true
but it can never fulfil us the way love does.
So? It definitely is not the answer.
He spoke of sex. A good man.
I know.
Okay, guys, I am in the common room today till 5:00 p.m.
If you have any relationship related queries
and secret to confess, any advice you want..
Feel free to come and see me.
- Okay? - Okay, sir.
- Bye. - Bye, sir.
Should we go see him?
It's over.
- Why? - You are welcome.
Pay me Rs. 70 that you owe me!
- What a strange girl! - What!
- I need my closure. - You are in my face. Piss off.
What is the problem? I need my closure!
All right, here is your closure Karan.
You are a darling, a sweet heart, a cute little flower
but I need a man. A grown up man.
Not a two year old sissy like you.
You got your closure? Now piss off.
How dare you, Karan?
So you are saying that I am no longer a man?
You never were, Baby. You never deserved me.
He does.
- I will beat you up. - Go ahead!
But does missing a period mean pregnancy?
Only after sex does one get pregnant.
And we never had sex, right?
We did but we did use an expensive condom as well.
It has been said that condom is not hundred percent safe.
Is that so?
Darn it!
If I become a father at this age
what will happen to me?
Sir, I want to go toilet.
But you just went?
It is not me, sir.
It is my kid. I need to change his diaper.
I think we should go for advice. Come on.
Why do you need someone else when I am right here?
Is that so? Tell me.
I think you still have not moved on from Navi.
What are you saying?
I had myself insulted twice. Do you not remember?
Is that so?
When did you last cry tears of joy?
Joy, I remember!
I was in first grade. Dad got me a water bottle.
It kept the water cool for 6 hours.
I got a bit emotional.
Silly! I am speaking of male tears!
Not much after Raveena left.
You are telling this now.
- You must have imagined. - I tried all, all in vain.
Since Raveena left you have been unable to ejaculate?
No.
Break up is the reason then.
- But even you had a break up. - Mine is different.
I feel way better after break up.
Physically, mentally, financially, emotionally..
Even sexually.
I do not believe.
I am telling you. I have thought of it.
I deserve something better in life.
To heck with Deepika.
What happened to me then?
We are trying to figure out.
Tell me in detail, when did you ejaculate.
- Every instance. - It will take an entire semester.
Be that as it may, give me the highlights.
Okay.
When I was eighth grade I saw a movie
named 'Satyam Shivam Sundaram'.
- Then I went full blast! - What are you saying?
I have got a good news.
Once it spreads it will set fire all around.
Meet me in canteen.
We have to travel, right? So it can be delayed due to stress.
And what if anyone knows?
Let us leave it be.
Naina, first we must know of it.
We cannot take responsibility of Baggu at this age.
- Baggu? - Yes.
With that name, the baby will never be born!
Naina, I am stressed and you are joking.
Should I ask the chemist for it?
Why not ask him for snacks?
Dude, does the king still rise?
Tell us now.
What's up? How are you?
Are you keeping your hands clean after wiping tears of joy?
Now make me a special one.
Do not eat so much of oil. Rather than use oil for massage.
And all will be fine. 'Satyam Shivam Sundaram'.
- Karan! - Trippy!
I am helping you and you are telling everyone about it!
You told everyone that I have performance issues!
I am helping you so why will I tell everyone about it?
So why will I do so? Think over it.
So who did it?
The students will drag us. What should we do?
- Is this a show here? - Look around.
Even he is giggling.
Look at that.
Come on.
- Is this happening today? - Yes, in the common room.
Yes.
I need 'good news'.
- Raman, give him a condom. - That is not it. Come on.
Are you not ashamed?
I do not want a condom. I want to find out.
- Raman, give him a thermometer. - Raman, stop being so hasty.
- Leave it be now. - I'll talk to him now.
Listen to me.
One to find out of the lady is pregnant.
- She is pregnant? - I am not. - You are not?
I am not!
Sorry, Ma'am.
- He told me. - Sorry!
- I need a pregnancy test kit. - Raman, get it!
This is it! This is what I want!
That is it! Give it to me!
Raman, get it!
Sir, nice one!
Where does the test happen?
I told you it is not hundred percent safe.
I do not want to do it.
If a condom is not safe and this test is not safe
then what is safe? Monkey piss?
Calm down! We are in the market!
I told you I do not want it. My choice.
Let us go to Lokpuri.
There is an experience nursemaid there.
And you do not want to go!
- Ms. Rashmi from 37C. She can tell.. - I do not want to go there.
Let's just wait and see.
I am scared beyond my wits here.
I cannot just wait and see.
Okay.
Then go alone. I will see what it is.
I can handle it. What can it be?
I can do this.
Why is it in English?
Naina, you need to make me understand.
Hey, I just myself a cup of coffee.
Do you need anything to drink?
Coffee, tea, soft drink or something.
A. I am not a kid.
B. I only drink Americano without sugar.
Okay.
So, what brings you here? What's happening?
- I missed by periods. - For how long?
Sir, I did a google search. Nothing wrong.
Even common cold is shown as cancer there.
That is not even the point.
Go ahead, tell him.
Point is that I used to get erections in the morning
but since the past few days I do not get an erection.
I am telling you. You need to keep the room cold.
It will surely work.
Where should I start from?
College life is worst. So is love.
Then I realized boys are under-manufactured product of God.
Then God made better products. Men.
Thank God.
And now I feel that I am not into boys anymore.
And you are into men!
Amazing! Yes!
So have you found the man that you are looking for?
Of course.
I like mature people.
The boys have no sense at all.
All they want is to change us. Always.
That is how kids are born.
I have seen it in a movie.
It is okay, Ms. Naira. It is very common.
And most probably it is not pregnancy.
Really?
Yes.
What are you so afraid of?
Is it because people will find out?
- It is already out. - Yes sir.
You cannot accept it.
Yes, sir. This one.
He is going in without help. This is bound to happen.
- I told him. - Karan. Please get up.
- What did I do? - I said get up.
- Come on! - I did not.. - Go on now, do it.
- I did nothing. - Get up and pass me that book.
So start with it.
- Trippy. - Yes, sir.
Think of Karan as your penis.
- What sir? - Please bear it for today. Please.
Please.
- Fine. - Okay okay.
He did not get up when we tried to force him for it.
But when he found a good reason he had no problem getting up.
- So you are saying.. - Wait for the right feeling.
I told you it is normal. Did you see that?
By the way, you were telling me about the break up.
So when was the last time you dated someone?
A week ago. I broke up with him.
And what is the reason?
Same issues.
You don't make me feel loved. You do things according to you.
You do not understand me.
Yes, I do not understand you. I do not.
Why should I understand you when yourself don't get me!
Why must I adjust?
Problem lies in adjusting for the guy.
Problem lies in adjusting for anyone!
But you want him to adjust as per you.
I never asked him to.
You never asked him not to, either.
What do you mean?
Listen, kid.
I think the issue is
you do not want them to ask you to adjust
but on the other hand you do want them to adjust to you.
And according to you.
And that is why I want a man.
That will not change anything!
How?
You will still have the same issues.
What issues?
God forbid, if she is pregnant. Will you leave her?
Will you stick by her during this time?
Speak up.
Sir, we have seen a lot together.
And after a while we will go through a phase of long distance relationship.
What of the kid? We can handle it all.
Do not worry.
What is it?
I think I am down!
What is it?
I think I am down!
Sir, you are great!
This is thanks to you! Thanks to you!
Thank you sir!
This is also right...
Did you get your closure?
Yes, sir.
Are you sure?
Yes, sir.
I do not think so.
Okay.
You need to mend your mind around that girl
and try moving on.
- Yes, sir. I am trying. - Too hard.
I said the same, sir. In Hindi.
Karan, get up and leave.
I am too long to be a penis, sir.
You want to taste this.
No.
It tastes better with sugar. Trust me.
I am sure, I have my own.
See? That is the issue.
If I do not want to taste it then I do not want to taste it.
How difficult it is to understand?
And how difficult it is for you to taste it and say
I like mine better, thank you.
Listen to me, Deepika.
Opposites attract and it is true for magnets.
But not for relationship.
You need some like mindedness for love.
One gets to change when they see
their own nature in someone else.
Once you find a man like you who is stubborn and rigid
and then you know how it feels for the other guy.
And trust me, you will hate it.
You get what I am trying to say!
- Then to heck with men as well. - Deepika!
- What? This one? - Darn it!
Hey, tell us some tricks. Help me with some oil.
Leave it be.
Tell me, how does it work? 'Satyam Shivam Sundaram'.
Leave it be. It is silly.
I have read it. I did my research.
Hey, guys!
Karan
let me tell you of a way.
Dip it in warm water at dawn and dusk for a week.
Then you shall see it bloom!
I will make you suffer! How dare you say this!
Bagga!
Today, you will not speak.
Dim wit!
Do nothing!
What is your problem?
That he has some issues?
It happens with everyone.
I say it because it happens with me.
If you say, it is not happening with you..
Not in my case!
Lies!
And what is male ego?
What? You cannot even speak to anyone about it, right?
No one ever taught you.
You smother inside fearing your will be declared impotent
once people come to know of it.
That your bazooka wil fail!
What is happening to him
is normal!
What?
Normal.
Normal! He is right!
It is not that big of a problem!
Women understand it and support us.
And you will find a partner even with this problem.
- Look at our Virat! - But he got the game, right?
Dude may be captain but he does not hit a six at every ball.
Nor is he a captain for this thing!
He is a captain as he knows
that he may win or lose, take a single or hit a six.
It is okay.
It is okay to be clean bowled sometimes.
- It is normal! - It is all fine!
That was a good one!
We love you.
Excuse me.
I do get clean bowled sometimes as well.
I knew about you.
Buddy.
I often fail at this game.
Sir, what about you?
I was going to get some sauce.
So tell me.
Who spread this thing?
You bastard! You want to mock others!
I will pump you up so bad that you will have a hard on for life.
You cowards cannot get anything done
and hence you send your master!
- Come face me! - Silence, fool!
Bagga, stop acting high and mighty with them around.
I will have you dance to my tunes!
I, Bhati, swear this!
- This is wrong, Bagga! - Scum!
This feels nice.
It feels nice to slap you!
- Come on here! - Come!
Hit me!
Get the game on!