- Eshu! - [TV playing]
Eat it.
Come on!
Oh, no!
- [chuckles] - [Manju] Feed him properly!
[Eshaan babbles]
What's wrong with you?
It's called self-feeding, Mom.
[Manju] It's called being a lazy mom.
There are just three things you need to do for a child.
Feed them, bathe them, and get them to sleep.
And even that's a herculean task for you girls these days.
Mom, I'm watching him.
Eshu, smile!
Never record a video of them eating or sleeping!
It draws bad energy.
Put the damn phone away!
His brother was supposed to show up, right?
Hmm?
This is a different channel, Dad.
Who changed it?
Huh?
Eshu, one more.
One more bite.
There you go!
Ruined everything, right?
Get a kurta from my closet and wear it.
Let it be, I'll clean up. Go on.
Who wears white while feeding a baby?
[Eshaan babbles]
[whistles]
Eshaan?
Want some?
Want to eat some mango?
Here you go.
Wanna watch some cartoons?
Yes?
[Manju] Hey, no! Not that one!
Take something from the lower shelves.
Those are all the new ones up there.
[Chandru whistling]
[dramatic music plays]
[buzzing]
[title track plays]
♪ Let go… ♪
♪ Of the good ol' day ♪
♪ Of the silent night That's slipped away ♪
♪ Let it go… ♪
♪ Stop! ♪
♪ Freeze this moment in time ♪
♪ Where happiness blooms ♪
♪ Don't let it fade away! ♪
♪ For the Night is Young ♪
♪ Till I have you, my friend ♪
♪ For us the Night is Young ♪
♪ Until the very end ♪
♪ My friend! ♪
♪ O' my friend! ♪
EPISODE 5 OF COBWEBS AND MORE
[buzzing]
[Avi] It is what we think it is.
It's going places.
Why does Manju have this?
I think it's time we accept that our parents have a sex life.
It's not about the sex, man.
Why does Manju have a dildo?
Even Radhika and I don't have one.
Does Swadha have one?
Fully charged!
One touch and it starts buzzing.
Rads, your ice cream is melting.
Of course, it is!
We live in a world where Manju owns a dildo.
Why do you keep saying "owns"? She might be using it.
Maybe Manju is sexually liberated. Who are we to judge?
She calls bra a "ladies vest",
affair a "friendship",
and sex "relations".
That prude Manju is sexually liberated?
- She called bra a "ladies vest"? - Yes.
What if Manju has more orgasms than I do?
Rishi is fine, he's good and all…
but he always gets out in the same way.
Swadha has an orgasm every time that we have sex.
Really?
Every time.
Sure.
She does.
You all have regular sex?
Regular as in non-kinky?
I mean, we don't smack each other's faces and all but yeah normal stuff.
Spanking?
Of course, that's allowed.
No, no I didn't mean violence.
I mean, do you have sex every now and then?
- Yeah. - Yes.
Minimum three to four times a month.
At least twice a week!
Not alone. With a partner.
Don't worry about that.
That happens every morning in the shower.
How do you get the time?
Eshu keeps waking up at night.
Eshaan and I sleep in a different room.
Try breakfast in bed.
My maid will give him breakfast in bed.
She gets home before I wake up.
When do you guys have sex then?
Yeah.
It's been a while.
Suman.
When was the last time you f***ed your husband?
Seven months ago.
[gasps]
[Radz] Suman.
Go home and check…
if there are cobwebs down there.
- [tuts] - [chuckles]
My ceiling gets a cleaning more often than you do.
Radhika don't f*** with her.
Just f*** her.
Guys, please!
Seriously, tell me.
Is something wrong with my marriage?
Okay, does the lack of sex bother you?
My sex life dwindled in the last trimester of my pregnancy
and it hasn't recovered yet.
Hmm!
Dr. Google says…
everything is normal.
It is a very common thing for couples.
They go without it for about six months.
So, it's fine. It's different for every couple.
Is the sex boring between you too?
No, that's not it.
But maybe I give him motherly vibes now.
Sattu never takes any initiative.
You take it!
- Just go and touch him. - [scoffs]
Yeah, someone other than yourself needs to be touching you.
I don't touch myself either.
The last person who touched me was my 65-year-old gynecologist, Dr. Shroff.
So were you like… [higher pitch] "Oh yeah, Dr. Shroff!"
Don't stop.
Deeper!
Deeper, Dr. Shroff!
Dr. Shroff!
[exclaims] Oh, Dr. Shroff!
[hard knocking on the door]
[Kadambari] Mumma, please open the door. I want to meet you.
- No, baby. - [Kadambari] Please let me in.
- Mumma, please! - Baby, Mumma is doing potty, not now.
[Rishi] Kadambari, let Mumma finish her business.
Tell me what you want.
[Kadambari] No, I want to see Mumma's potty.
No, Mumma can't show you potty.
[Rishi] Kadam-- Come here, dear. I'll show you the pigeon's potty.
[Kadambari exclaims]
[Swadha and Avi moaning, panting softly]
- [Swadha yelps] - [toy squeaks]
- [Swadha groans in pain] - [Avi] Didn't know that was here.
- [Avi] Baby, come on. - [toy squeaks]
Why the hell is this here?
[Rahi babbles]
No, no. He's asleep.
[toy squeaks]
- [Swadha] Stop. He is up! - No, he's not.
[Rahi coos, giggles]
[seductive music plays]
Turmeric milk?
Do you have a cold?
No.
I was just in the mood for it.
Okay.
My lunchbox was leaking oil today.
Please ask the maid to pack it properly.
You have to keep the lunchbox straight--
Hmm?
I'll let her know.
[seductive music resumes]
You have a milk mustache!
[seductive music fizzles out]
[seductive music resumes]
Yeah, it's gone.
[seductive music fizzles out]
Um…
Let's watch a movie?
Huh?
Let's watch a romantic movie.
Which one?
I'll play one.
Sattu, the remote…
I'll get it.
Yeah.
[TV beeps on]
[groans softly]
Bad idea!
The milk was a bad idea.
[continues groaning softly]
My stomach feels funny.
That was heavy.
I'll be back.
[door clicks close]
- [office chatter] - [tuts] It's already 1:30!
We're fifth in line.
Look at her.
[Rishi] Did you get two copies of her birth certificate?
[Radz] Yeah, some extra as well.
Hey, come here!
Let's click a picture together.
It's her first time at a government office.
Come on. Here.
How will you pose?
Show. Show your pose.
Yay!
[camera shutter clicks]
My cutie.
Cutie.
Go, run. Run!
[clerk] Don't run around, child.
Hmm?
What's this?
It's a dildo. I ordered it.
It'll be delivered in a couple of days. Why?
Look at these pictures, so cute!
Hello!
What's wrong?
You could've just told me if there's a problem.
I would've done something.
What problem? Are you crazy? What are you saying?
But, why did you need a sex toy?
Bryan Gosling.
But why did you need a Bryan Gosling?
I'm here for you, right?
I was just curious about Bryan Gosling, man!
If Manju can have fun with Bryan Gosling, I can too.
Manju has fun with Chandru Uncle as well.
- Do you want that too? - [phone ringing]
Gross, man.
[phone continues ringing]
Hello. Yes?
Come to the fourth.
It's a toy, Rishi.
- Why are you overreacting? - What are you talking about?
Just random stuff.
[Radz] Keep playing.
Did you even think how I'd feel?
I didn't think you'd react like this.
Man, it's just a toy. What's wrong with you?!
- Volume! Volume! - [Kadambari] Why is Papa upset?
[breast pump hisses]
[Avi] The weaning's done. Why are you still pumping?
He is done with weaning.
My body is still getting used to it. It will take a few days.
Pause.
- Pause. - [breast pump clicks, stops]
Play.
You haven't undone your pants yet?
- I'll do it. - I had to cut my nails.
Just a second.
Have you welded it shut?
[Swadha] Wait a minute, Avi…
Wait, I used to snap this open with one hand before.
- What the… - [Rahi babbling]
[Swadha] He's up.
It's open.
There you go.
You're up, baby.
I know what you're up to, man.
You think you can steal my lady?
- [Rahi giggles] - I've dealt with many like you.
- [Rahi giggles] - [sighs]
[grunts, pants]
[continues panting]
Hey, Babydoll, want a ride?
I'm running.
No, I think you are dying.
I have to get fit.
Just get in.
Short drive. Come on.
I have changed a lot after Eshaan.
Sattu doesn't find me attractive anymore.
He said that to you?
I tried the milk, but…
It didn't work out.
That’s fine, but it doesn’t give him the right to say that.
No, he didn't say it.
But that's what I feel.
Are you crazy, Suman?
You just assumed whatever you wanted?
What else could be the reason for us not being intimate?
Suman, man…
How do you always manage to overthink and jump to the worst possible outcome?
Tell me one thing.
If in the future, let's say,
Sattu puts on some weight.
Will you find him unattractive?
No.
Then, why do you think he feels that for you?
He's not as good as me, but Sattu's a decent guy.
Honestly, a woman's body is like… [mimics explosion]
We give you chia seeds and your body turns it into a baby.
Your bodies are like magic, dude.
Don't reduce it to an adjective.
See?
The benefits of running.
Avi, thank you.
Suman, you're welcome.
You are damn cute, man.
I've been telling you this since we were kids.
Got ya' blushing!
[Sattu] Catch it!
Right?
Look, Mom's here.
She went for a run… in a car.
Hi, Eshu.
She had run off too far away, had to bring her back.
Really?
Come, let's have dinner.
No, Swadha is waiting at home.
- I have to go. - Alright.
- Bye. - Bye.
[car engine revs to start]
How far did you go?
Hydrate yourself.
It's time.
Rahi?
What's that sound coming from the bedroom?
His television virginity ends today.
You gave our ten-month-old TV so that we could f*** in peace?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you too.
[orchestral music plays]
[birds chirping]
[softly] Sattu…
Good morning.
[groans softly]
Is Eshu alright?
Everything's alright.
I thought I'd surprise you today.
Why? Is it a special day?
No, baby.
I'm trying to be romantic.
At 5:45 a.m.?
What's with the early morning romance?
Well, the past seven months…
we haven't had…
sex--
Baby, if we don't renew it today,
will the validity of our marriage expire?
I was just trying to surprise you.
First, you turn it off without notice.
Then, out of the blue, you want to turn it on, on a Sunday morning.
What am I? A tap, to turn off?
Wow.
I just don't get my KRA.
My boss won't tell me at work.
You won't tell me at home.
I didn't "stop" anything.
Our routines are so rigid! When do we have the time?
I had set up an alarm this morning so that I could wake up before Bano got here.
And you never said anything either!
How will I know what you're thinking?
It doesn't matter what I think, Suman!
I can see that you're exhausted.
And I don't want to add to your problems.
We haven't been intimate in seven months. That's just my problem?
Does intimacy only mean sex?
Well then, technically, we haven't been intimate since you got pregnant.
You're Eshaan's mom, I'm his dad. That's all we are.
So, what, we're gonna get a divorce when Eshaan grows up?
Because that's all we are, right?
What're you doing?!
It's 5:45 a.m. on a Sunday morning!
I'll be back in a minute. Wait!
[toilet flushes]
You make such an effort to hang out with your friends.
We drop off Eshaan at Mom's if we need to.
Have you ever asked me to go out with you?
Have we ever had a coffee together?
Do you even talk to me at home?
You're always playing games on your phone!
What do you plan on saying at a cafe, Sattu?
Have you ever asked me how my day was?
I always ask you.
You only answer with, "Yes. No. Hmm."
I…
What are you doing?
I just get one Sunday.
Just one.
Just addressing the elephant in the room, nothing else.
To prove what?
I thought you'd built it up in your head so facing your fears will help you.
This…
I am not scared of a dildo.
It's just a gadget, Rishi.
Like when you use an electronic razor instead of a manual one.
It's the same thing.
Just more convenient and more fun.
If you like this--
What?
What if you like it better than me?
Do you know what the best part about having sex with you?
My favorite part?
That I am eager to please.
The feeling of you.
All of you, on top of me.
I feel the happiest and the safest in the world.
Why are you comparing yourself to this?
Rishi, this is like chips.
It's just a snack to kill time.
But you…
you're my favorite, warm bowl of rice and soulful curry!
Give me your hand. I'm trying to cheer you up.
I love you.
I love you too.
- Come on. - Where?
Let's check if a side of chips goes well with the warm bowl of curry rice.
Kadambari is sleeping.
She will sleep for another 20 minutes.
What will you do for 20 minutes?
- It takes me at least 15! - Okay, fine.
And we have to play with this toy too. Come!
[Eshaan cooing, babbling]
[sighs]
I'm planning to order waffles.
Do you want something?
I want the Lotus Biscoff waffle.
One dark chocolate and Nutella waffle too.
And a cookie-cream.
Sorry.
I'm sorry too.
Sattu…
Be honest.
Do you not like my post-child body?
What are you saying?
That's not true!
Don't think like that.
You have a great body.
We'll talk about this, alright?
We'll sort it.
Okay?
We'll have fun.
[Eshaan babbling]
[notification dings]
[Kadambari and Eshaan chattering]
[energetic upbeat music plays]
[energetic upbeat music stops]
Kadambari?
Kadambari? Eshaan!
Hey, eat it like this.
Mumma, Eshaan was hungry.
Suman!
[kids chattering]
I see a smile.
Ms. Mango Juice, how was your evening?
Good.
But we didn't have sex.
- Then… - What?
What was the point of my sacrifice?
Your kid spilled soy sauce all over my kitchen. I had to clean it.
We went for a coffee, Radz.
- [Avi] Waste! - Come on.
- On an actual date after 19 months, guys. - What a waste!
Shut up.
- We talked a lot. - [Avi] Suman.
I'll cry now.
Did you use protection?
- Huh? - Well…
[Radz] Please tell me you did.
You can't just get on with it. We will, eventually.
For now, I had fun talking to him.
- Are you satisfied? - Yes.
- To each their own. - Right. Good for you.
But, taking care of two kids?
I went crazy.
How do people raise two kids?
Apparently, raising a second kid is much easier.
Why? You don't have to feed them, or make them sleep?
No. You align your expectations, right?
- We save clothes and stuff beforehand. - [phone rings]
- Manju Time! - No.
- No, please I have to. - What happens if you don't, for one day?
Manju will be pissed.
- Bear it. - Why?
No, I'll drink this.
[Radz giggles]
- [Suman] Hi, Mom. - Hi.
- How are you? - [buzzing]
I'm fine. How are you?
[Manju] What did you make for lunch?
Uh…
- Black beans and cabbage. - Gross.
- I made phodni bhaat and raita. - [buzzing continues]
[Chandru moaning]
Mom, what's in your hand?
Look.
- [Chandru] Don't stop. Keep going. - [Manju] Yes.
[Manju] My friend Mrs. Limaye from the kitty party…
she has gone on a tour with the Sizzling Party.
Tour for senior citizens.
To Amsterdam and Switzerland.
[Manju] She bought these gifts for her close friends.
- Dad loves it. - [buzzing continues]
Tell Suman how you feel.
- Tell her. [chuckles] - It's awesome. I'm enjoying it. [moans]
- [Chandru] Enjoy! - [Manju chuckles]
[Manju] Your dad always keeps complaining about his sore neck.
So, I'm giving him a massage.
Hi, Radhika. How are you?
Hello, Radhika.
Hello? Did the screen freeze again?
Mom, I'll call you later.
But that's good news.
It's good!
Manju is also doing it, bro.